Polyamory Dating Sites That Work
Finding new poly partners can be difficult in a world where non-monogamy isn’t the standard. What polyamory dating sites are out there to help, and how can you make them work for you?
If you’re here I’m going to assume that not only are you polyamorous (or at least interested in polyamory), but also looking to meet new people in this lifestyle. Below are the best dating sites I’ve come across for not only meeting polyamorists, but that are couple-friendly in general and offer profiles for couples.
It’s clear that there are many different types of polyamory relationships, so even if you just want to find a threesome rather than a relationship, I’ve got you covered. I’ve done my best to be as complete as possible, and you’ll find my recommendations below divided into the following categories:
- Polyamory hookup sites for casual poly dating
- Niche sites: threesome, cuckold, and kinky dating
- Polyamory dating sites for the relationship-minded
- Free polyamory dating sites
- Polyamory dating apps
- How to find success on polyamory dating sites
Let’s get started shall we?
The Truth about Polyamory Dating Sites
The good news is that there are some fun options for people who are into threesomes or casual poly hookups. The not-so-great news is for those seeking a polyamory specific dating site geared towards long-term relationships.
Most relationship focused sites do not accommodate couples, but if you are looking for other couples or a third for sexy-time then things are looking up. Not that finding a unicorn is any walk in the park! Do polyamorists just love to be challenged?
Now that I’ve revealed that picking the ideal polyamory site isn’t a simple task, I will nonetheless embark upon recommending a few that might be helpful for poly people. To find like-minded or at least poly-friendly partners, consider the following dating sites.
Disclosure: I have or had a full membership at the following sites. Because I know they’re the real thing I’m comfortable recommending them to our readers. Sometimes I use links that allow Polyamory Today to receive a small compensation if someone decides to upgrade a membership. It costs nothing extra, and helps us keep this poly blog alive!
Find Polyamory Hookups
Most readers here have likely already joined this site. It has more profiles of couples than any other dating site and it’s reach is worldwide. They also offer all the bells and whistles such as live video chat, video introductions, member blogs, and more.
PolyamoryDate.com is full of people looking for sex in general and is quite ‘spicy’, but even if you are looking for a poly relationship you may still want to join this one for the couple profiles and poly-friendly, sex-positive vibe. Romance can often spring from naughty beginnings, no?
If you’ve heard of AdultFriendFinder then know that Polyamory Date is part of their network, as is FindaThreesome.com which I mention below. The main difference is that Polyamory Date features the couple profiles more prominently, and they also have less advertising which is nice. Warning: lots of nudity inside!
I wasn’t sure about this site at first because it’s not poly specific, but Fling won me over the last time I spent time there. They offer the all-important couple profiles, which are hard to find on any dating site.
Once you have couples thriving on a site, all sort of exciting things have the potential to happen. Think threesomes, foursomes, swinging,.. Fling is one of the sites I often recommend to people looking for a threesome unicorn who doesn’t necessarily have to become part of their poly lifestyle.
Niche Dating for Polyamorous People
Threesome Dating Sites
I understand that polyamorists aren’t all sex-crazed threesome seekers, that polyamory is about expanding love rather than sexual conquests. But some poly couples do enjoy bringing a third into the bedroom.
Sometimes this unicorn is a secondary partner and part of an ongoing triad relationship, and sometimes they’re just there for a night of passion. It happens.
So where do polyamorists find bisexual women and other threesome partners?
Cuckold Dating Sites
Now we’re getting niche! Polyamory is all about respect for your partner(s), but what about couples who enjoy the kink and erotic humiliation of a consensual cuckolding arrangement? For example, some would like to invite a “bull” into their relationship, to pleasure the hotwife while her primary male partner watches.
If this sounds like you, check out our post on how to meet cuckold couples and bulls for the best cuckold dating sites.
Kinky Dating Sites
I’m not sure if it’s because polyamorous people are kinkier, or if it’s that kinky people tend to be more poly, but there seems to be a good size overlap between these two communities.
So where do poly couples and singles go to find kinky partners online?
The biggest and best in the kink category is Alt.com, due to it’s long-running and very large community of kinky members. No matter your fetish, gender, or sexual orientation, you will be welcome here.
You can also read my BDSMdate.com review if you’d like to learn more about kinky dating. BDSMDate.com is sort of a replica of Alt, with the same members and features. The main difference is that there are less banner ads inside BDSMdate, but either one is going to be a good choice for kinksters.
Dating Sites for Polyamory Relationships
This is where I really wish there were better options for polyamorous relationships.
Unfortunately, the large mainstream dating sites that cater to relationships just aren’t very poly-friendly, regardless of what you may see on other ‘best of’ dating lists. You can’t create couple profiles, you can’t link profiles, you usually can’t seek more than one gender.
If you want to go ahead and try something like Match.com anyways, then try to make your poly status as upfront as possible, putting the word ‘polyamory’ in your introduction title if you can. This will at least help other open-minded members find you with a search function.
That said, there are a couple sites that might work for those who are seeking longer-term partners and not just a fling or threesome hookup.
A site for the more relationship-minded, but PolyDating.com‘s member base is much smaller than that of PolyamoryDate.com. That is probably the biggest issue I have with this site, so I usually suggest it only for people in larger cities. Secondly, it’s part of a network so although the members are poly-specific, the site itself isn’t. But this almost always seems to be the case.
In the end, if you’re looking for people who identify as polyamorous and are more interested in relationships than encounters or hookups, then it’s probably the best one to check out and you can read my full Poly Dating review here.
Another legitimate option to try is Polymatchmaker.com, although they only accept payment by paypal, and suffer from the same issue of too-few members.
Free Polyamory Dating Sites
Oh happy day – a free dating site for polyamorists! Well, not quite.
Unfortunately, I recently had to move Okcupid from my recommended sites, to my list of the worst polyamory sites after receiving so many negative comments about them as a poly option. The sentiment seems to be that the quality has gone downhill in recent years, often blamed on changes made after the site was sold to Match years ago. Now poly people can only long for the good old days when Okcupid was a great spot for them, and fully free at that.
Regardless, you can survive and participate at OkCupid without a premium account, so no reason not to create a profile and see what you can find. Last I looked, you can’t create couple profiles, but you can link to your partner(s) pretty easily as reported by the Atlantic here, and I’ve seen lots of poly couples do it this way in the past.
For the kinkier-than-average set seeking a free polyamory site, head to FetLife.com. It’s not a dating site per se, but more of a social network of groups for people into BDSM and fetish. The site is almost entirely free except for a small upgrade available to view videos.
I am not a member at FetLife, but would consider it a decent place to meet other kinky people who are poly-friendly, for friendship or more. However, if you’re actually more vanilla than kink, then I wouldn’t go joining just in the hopes of making a poly connection.
Polyamory Dating Apps
Hunting for actual polyamory apps has unfortunately revealed slim pickings. You could try Feeld, particularly if you are a single woman (unicorns are in high demand!), or a couple. You’ll probably like Feeld if you are threesome-minded, but it’s not really for poly relationships. I’ve also heard it’s not great for single guys, which you can probably blame on the general preference for FFM threesomes.
The only other poly-specific app out there has so few active members, and such terrible reviews that it’s not even worth a try. I barely even want to mention it here.
I’ll just say it has the words Poly and Finda in the name. If you look it up at the app store you’ll see the real-person reviews about constant crashing and worse. It’s too bad! At this point it seems that they can’t build a database mostly because it’s a technical nightmare for it’s users. Time to hire some top-notch polyamorous coders!
If you’d like to use an app that is more popular and don’t mind mingling with all the monogamous and hookup-minded people, it seems the hookup paradise they call Tinder is decent choice so long as you put your poly status right up-front.
Why doesn’t PolyamoryDate have an app?
PolyamoryDate.com and the threesome, kink and cuckold sites I suggested above don’t have apps. What gives?
Only one reason: the apple app store and google play don’t allow nudity within apps. I spoke to someone who works at the Polyamory Date parent company, and he said it would just be impossible for them to convert their sites to a platform without nudity.
To be sure, there is a LOT of member photos and videos that will make your eyes pop. So if you’re looking for a sex-driven experience, then apps aren’t what you’re looking for anyway.
Now that you know the best dating sites for various poly pursuits, let’s take a look at some resources right here at Polyamory Today that can make this whole online dating thing less painless and more effective.
How to Find Success on Polyamory Dating Sites
- Make your polyamorous status clear and as visible as possible.
Some will argue that doing this lowers their response rate. I think honesty is the best policy and more in keeping with the spirit of polyamory. I also think it helps the other poly members find YOU!
- Stand out with a fantastic polyamory profile.
We’ve written quite a bit about creating and improving profiles for couples specifically, and you can find those tips and more profile ideas here.
- Up your messaging game.
Snag that poly unicorn that so many others are after with a solid first message. Read our post, First Message Tips for Online Daters for ways to stand out.
- Be Active
Most dating sites secretly reward frequent users, by making their profile more visible to other members. That’s just a little perk though – because staying active, updating your profile, reaching out to others.. it’s these kinds of activities that are going to make the magic happen.
- Seek community
If we’re talking about a site like PolyamoryDate.com, then you’re just one couple, or poly single, among tens of millions of people! On the surface you may not see the polyamorous people you desire. But look into member-created groups and member blogs, do searches for poly terms, and find your people!
- Search with your Partner
If you are seeking a triad arrangement or a threesome, make sure to spend some time looking online together with your partner. Contact other members together as well. Make it fun and maybe learn a little more about your lover’s tastes!
- Go for the Gold
The goal here isn’t just to find someone, anyone, for a poly threesome or secondary partner. Set your sites on someone who works for everyone involved. Not someone who’s just cute, but who matches on a mental level as well, and you can even focus on how to attract sexually compatible partners to your profile. Aim high!
Well, I hope that after all this I’ve been able to address some questions about the intersection of polyamory and online dating. If you have any questions or would like to share online dating war-stories, let’s chat in the comments below.
Good Luck and Enjoy!