5 Signs You’re Poly (but Didn’t Know It)

I subscribe to the Kinsey Scale (also called the Heterosexual–Homosexual Rating Scale) and think that we are all queer to some degree, and attracted to our gender more than we often articulate openly, and other genders at varying degrees, whether we are given opportunities to explore these attractions or not.

I believe that many men are actually more aroused by other men than they are socialized to speak out loud, but often find other avenues to express their sentiments through things like action movies, celebrities, wrestling, professional sports, and even porn. I think so many guys are kinda gay and don’t know, ha ha. And I think it’s the same with polyamory!

We live in a society that doesn’t like to admit how much the traditional ideas aren’t a good fit for many people. Is it a crime to love more than one person at a time? Not to me! So here we are, exploring the behaviors and activities that a person might exhibit if they are possibly subconsciously wanting a lifestyle beyond their monogamous ways. It’s happened to the best of them, and the worst of them.

So many people have been married, engaged, in serial monogamous relationships and realized it’s not working for them. And then, they start thinking of options. Which would hopefully lead them straight to US, heh heh! So let’s start exploring some of the things that might happen in the life of someone that might be polyamorous and just doesn’t know it yet!

5 Signs You Are Polyamorous

1. You don’t have the typical jealousy when partners talk about fantasies.

There’s this idea that you’re not supposed to talk about your best friend having sex with your girlfriend. That’s just some typical macho cis-gender masculine life script.

But what if you didn’t feel that way at all? What if you actually thought the exact opposite, and thought that if your best friend and girlfriend got together, you’d all be BETTER friends? What if it did or didn’t have to be in a threesome together? What if you could just talk about it like adults? You might be poly.

Read: 4 Jealousy Triggers and How to Deal

2. Cuckold or cuckqueen sex acts arouse you.

Are you married? Do you like the idea of someone having sex with your wife while you watch? That’s not the typical scenario for a marriage, but please believe there ARE hundreds if not thousands of marriages in human history have had fun exploring such situationships and arrangements.

Cuckholding isn’t the most traditional approach to poly, yet it still counts as poly, especially if you have an ongoing, personal or emotional relationship with the bull in the cuckold fantasy! So it doesn’t even matter if you’re married or not. If you like the idea of someone enjoying your partner while you watch, you might be poly.

Read: How to Find Local Cuckold Couples & Bulls

3. You had a threesome and felt nothing but compersion.

When we are young, we often do things sexually that we might not feel the desire to do with the same frequency later in life. This is not a judgement of any era being better or worse than any other—it’s just the reality of the journey of intimacy. And one aspect of this is: some people really do the bulk of their sexual experimentation when they are younger.

If you you had your first threesome when you were young, did you feel the desire to share emotions with everyone involved as well? Did you want to have on-going internal connections with those people? Did you like the idea of sharing a bond with them after the threesome ended, and maybe all being friends as well as sex partners too? If you answered yes to some of these questions, you might be poly.

Read: 4 Ways to Practice Compersion

4. You enjoy group sex porn or like the idea of voyeurism.

Maybe it’s nothing in your personal sex life that would clue you into the idea that poly might be the life for you. But who knows, maybe you watch a LOT of poly-human-connected pornography, and that is a secret sign that you would like some form of group dynamic to their intimacy! It’s not always so, as some people prefer to be alone and invisible when they watch others fuck, and as long as it’s not unwanted watching, it’s all good.

If you like the idea of multiple people gathering together to have sex, and you like the idea of watching them all together consensually, you might be poly.

5. Monogamous relationships never end up holding all your interest.

Maybe you  just can’t be bothered to do what monogamous people insist you must do to have a happy relationship. I get it—there is more than one path to reach the promised land of happy relationships! The well-worn path of monogamy is NO guarantee of happiness at all—it may be a promise of the opposite for quite a lot of us. I know that’s what it is for me!

Read: Is Polyamory Now Mainstream?

So if you find yourself being swayed by the allure of adult freedom, if you continue to notice yourself thinking “why doesn’t she choose BOTH of them?” when you watch a rom-com, and if you really like the idea of not being beholden to one person and really think you are able to handle the responsibility of being connected to more than one person and them being connected to more than YOU as well… then, dun dun dun:

You just might be poly!

Want to meet polyamorous partners who share your view on relationships? Read: Polyamory Dating Sites That Work

Welcome to the club,
Addi “Malcolm Lovejoy” Stewart

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