Tips & Advice

How Do Couples Find a Girlfriend?

Couple looking for threesome

If you and your partner are looking for a lasting female lover for both of you, it can be tricky to navigate the dating terrain. And it may seem even more difficult than finding that elusive unicorn for a three-way hookup or a casual affair.

After all, you both have to be attracted to her, and she has to be attracted to both of you. Beyond that, for a relationship as a triad or as a couple with a girlfriend, you all have to like each other and even love each other.

But rising to the challenge can result in fun and rewarding encounters and eventually a beautiful relationship, not just drama.

If you and your partner are looking for a girlfriend, here are some ways to find her.

How to Find a Girlfriend for You and Your Poly Partner

Let your circles know you’re searching.

Since ultimately you will all three be together, there’s no need to avoid the big reveal.

Sure, you don’t have to bring it up at inappropriate settings like the office. But your friends and trusted communities may contain someone who is already crushing on your wife, and you weren’t aware of it. Or maybe there’s a new girl in town who is bisexual and polyamorous and hoping for just the kind of relationship you’re looking for.

Attend poly socials and events.

Get more involved in polyamorous events. Kinky club nights are a place to start—sexy scenarios can lead to lasting lust and love, and often do. But there are picnics, brunches, BDSM munches, carpools—you name it. Meet like-minded people who might be looking for what you are. Getting to know people as friends often leads to more.

Date as a couple, and ask women out.

Do some research first, of course—you don’t want to bark up the wrong tree. Women who are already married, monogamously, or just looking for a boyfriend, will not jump up and down at the chance to go for martinis with you and your girlfriend.

But if you’re meeting people in the poly community or open minded, sexually adventurous women through kink communities, well, dating with three is not that different from dating with two. “My wife and I both enjoyed the workshop you gave on green energy, and we were wondering if we could take you for a drink.”

Keep your eyes and ears open.

When you hear people telling their stories, pay attention and read between the lines. If your librarian refers to her past marriage as “unconventional” or you notice your favorite sommelier shows up at socials with men AND women, take notice.

None of this guarantees that they will respond affirmatively to a date or become your new girlfriend, but you want to get acquainted with people who are looking for what you’re looking for.

Enjoy threesomes and other group-sex encounters.

Perhaps, the safest place to find a lover is among your lovers, after all.

Don’t hound women who are looking for one-night stands and casual encounters after the fact. But being intimate with women together who are into both of you is a smart playing field to find something longer lasting. If you start seeing a woman multiple times, and you are all getting along great, you’ve got a great candidate.

Join niche dating sites that cater to poly people.

You can tell it like it is online—“Happily married couple looking for girlfriend for triad relationship.” Create your profile on dating sites that cater to polyamory, moresomes, and relationships for three, like and

Are you and your partner looking for a girlfriend? Do you already have one? Please share in the comments!

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Polyamory Today is your source for everything related to polyamory dating and poly relationships. We post tips and advice for polyamorous lovers, open relationships, and those seeking threesomes and group adventures. Enter the world of polyamory with exclusive articles, polls, site reviews, reader stories and more.

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