Are you thinking about joining the swinger lifestyle? Consider these pros and cons of swinging before diving in.
Many non-monogamous couples are joining swinger communities to swap partners for sexy fun together, apart.
While this open-relationship lifestyle may go in and out of fashion, and wax and wane in popularity, it’s always an option with many benefits for polyamorous couples, and even monogamous couples looking for a thrill.
Swinging is often referred to as The Lifestyle, but how deep you dive is up to you and your partner when it comes to exploring the world of swinging. You may just dip your toes in the swingers pool, and find out it’s not for you, but you won’t know until you do.
Read: Swinger Lifestyle 101: All About Swingers
Let’s look at some of the pros and cons, benefits and challenges of the swinging lifestyle.
6 Benefits of Swinging
1. NRE Energy
Polyamorous people already know about new relationship energy (NRE), how incredible it can feel to be in a secure relationship that allows for the unique joy of meeting and falling in love or lust with a new partner.
Swinging can produce this same NRE magic when you find a couple who you fit well with for regular swinger swapping.
Read: Swinger Date Ideas for Couples
2. Building Deeper Trust
Swinging is not recommended for couples who do not have a strong foundation. Swinging is not some kind of cure-all for rocky relationships, and will often expose deep-seated issues.
But if you do have a solid relationship, swinging can enhance the intimacy you already have and build a deeper trust, because you trust your partner enough already to share them.
Read: 3 Ways to Build Intimacy in Poly Relationships
3. Swinging Can Ignite New Passion
A lot of people get a thrill out of the idea of their partner having sex with someone else, but they don’t always experience this fantasy. With swinging, your sex life with your primary partner may get ignited when things become real.
When you open up your relationship to allow sex with other people, things can get incredibly hot in the bedroom. There are chances to share dirty stories and adventures, learn new tricks, and even surprise each other by bringing home other people as presents.
You might later use stories from your swinging adventures as foreplay on your way to bigger and better orgasms.
Read: Married Swingers Tell All: What Swinging in Marriage is Really Like
4. Joining a Community
Swinging is not just a lifestyle, but a community. If you live in a tiny town, you may not be bursting with swinger communities, but you also might be surprised that there is one, underground.
Depending on your cultural and religious surroundings, swinger communities may be kept hush hush. Searching the internet and joining niche dating sites that cater to non-monogamous couples and lifestyles is a good place to start. Swinging communities also meet for vacation meetups all around the world.
Read: How to Find Swinger Couples
5. Exploring Kinks and Sexual Experiences
Some people may consider swinging a kink and something to try just for fun. Sharing a partner is a big step and can also be a way to explore kinks or fetishes your partner is not necessarily into, or that they’ve tried but are not keen to repeat.
Swinging gives individuals in a relationship to enjoy a fetish with someone who shares their passion for it. Maybe your wife would never wear a strap-on to fulfill your fantasy, but she’s more than happy to let another woman take your from behind.
Read: Swinger Games: 11 Swinger Party Games to Try
6. Swinging Can Relieve the Pressures of Monogamy
Nowadays, many people are coming to realize that monogamy and traditional marriage doesn’t work for them. In the past, people stayed together and stayed miserable because they didn’t know that there was any alternative. The new and accepted thinking is that monogamy simply doesn’t work for everyone.
We don’t have to let religious prudes ruin our lives anymore. Swinging can be a positive way forward for couples who struggle with monogamy but want to keep their primary relationship intact.
Read: A Guide to Soft Swinging and Soft Swaps
7. Swinging Can Open Your Mind
People are supposed to explore their sexuality and to have different experiences. Variety is the spice of life!
In the same way that learning a second language can well-round you, having a second lover can make you more dynamic. The more people you interact with on philosophical and physical levels, the more interesting you become, and the more you get to know about life and the world.
Read: Swinger Stories: Readers Share Their First Time Story
6 Challenges of Swinging
1. Meeting Swingers
First things first, you need to meet swinger couples. And then you all have to be interested in swapping. This can be the most challenging hurdle, especially for those new to swinging.
Niche dating sites, swinger clubs, and sex parties are all places to mix and mingle, where sexually adventurous individuals and couples congregate.
Read: How to Find Swinger Couples
2. Keeping Your Lifestyle Private
Those who have been swinging for years know all about the pitfalls of sharing their lifestyle. There’s a good chance that you know swingers already, but you just don’t know everything they do in private.
There’s no shame in swinging, but we still live in a world where sexual lifestyle choices are judged and related hate crimes happen. Lifestyle discretion may just be practiced in relation to protecting family members or job security.
Anything related to privacy should be discussed in advance of your first swinger experience.
Read: Tips for Your First Time Swinging
3. Finding a Balance
Swinging can be time consuming. It’s not like being single and tripping down to your local bar or club for a hookup when you’re horny. Swinging involves two loving individuals who need to discuss opening their relationship in a new way, with expectations and boundaries and rules.
Read: Swinger Relationship Basics: What to Know
4. It Doesn’t Work Without High-Level Communication
How often will you swing? Will there be veto powers involved? What if you like one half of a couple and your partner doesn’t have interest in the other?
The key to a successful swinger relationship is keeping the lines of communication open, and letting your partner know that they matter the most. You have to always let your significant other know where your heart is at, talk through any jealousy, and establish protocols that keep the communication flowing.
Read: 11 Ways to Introduce Your Partner to Swinging
5. Stirring Up Jealousy
Jealousy is a natural emotion all humans feel at some time or another, inside and outside relationships. It’s not the feeling that usually causes problems, but how one reacts to those inner feelings.
If you haven’t been practicing some type of non-monogamy for long or you are monogamous and looking to have your first non-mono experience on a swingers cruise, jealousy may surface—first or second hand.
This is something you can also discuss with your partner before you hit the swinger road running. Talk about what you will do when these feelings arise, and most importantly talk about the feelings when they DO arise.
Read: 4 Jealousy Triggers & How to Deal
6. Risking Your Relationship
Jealousy and other unexpected or unwanted emotions can lead to fighting, disagreements, resentments, and all kinds of unpleasantness. Swinging with other couples can also expose deeper issues in your relationship that you’ve been ignoring or didn’t even know existed.
When swinging works, it works well. But the swinging lifestyle isn’t for every couple. There are so many non-monogamous relationships out there, that finding the right one(s) for you and your partner is key.
Swing slowly and keep check on how you both are feeling throughout the wonderful world of swinging.
Read: How to Be Swingers: A Guide for Swinging Beginners
Are you part of the swinger lifestyle? What has been the biggest benefit and biggest challenge?
Tell us what you think