A Guide to Soft Swinging and Soft Swaps

You’ve probably been hearing a lot about swinging lately.

It’s like the old fashioned art of swinging is the new black these days. And one of the hottest topics is soft swinging and soft swapping, a lifestyle that is sometimes described as a “lite” version of swinging.

What Is Soft Swinging?

Soft swinging refers to swinging without going “all the way.” Couples into soft swinging are interested in meeting other couples for swinging and partner swapping, but don’t engage in penetrative sex.

Soft swinger couples play by making out, touching, oral sex, and other kinds of sex without having sexual intercourse with partners outside the primary partnership or marriage.

Soft Swap vs Full Swap

While swinging refers to couples who exchange sexual partners with other couples, soft swinging is the same without penetrative sex.

The full swap versus the soft swap are terms commonly used to describe the same. The full swap is swinging that includes sexual intercourse, and the soft swap is exchanging partners for non-penetrative sex.

Read: How to Practice Non-Penetrative Sex with Your Partners

Two Happy Soft Swinger Couples.

Why Couples Choose Soft Swinging

Soft swinging lets couples explore swinging or non-monogamy without engaging in full penetrative sex. This can be a way to “test the waters” and wade into the world of non-monogamy or sexual pleasure with other lovers.

Soft swinging or soft swapping lets couples acclimatize to the emotions, sensations, social world, and politics of the non-monogamous lifestyles. Soft swinging has sometimes been called “starter swinging.”

This is indeed one reason couples choose soft swinging. Experimenting with other sexual partners without taking it all the way can feel like a safe introduction to swinging, to see if they like it or if it benefits the relationship.

Read: Swinger Relationship Basics: What to Know

But not all soft swinging intends on moving on to full swinging. Many couples into soft swapping are quite resolute about the limits and boundaries, and are not trying to push them.

Soft swappers feel that soft swinging benefits the relationship by adding sexual excitement and allowing variety and novelty and opening to fantasies, but want to keep certain sexual practices between themselves, within the relationship.

For other couples, soft swapping is a kind of compromise. In some relationships, one partner prefers monogamy and another is polyamorous. Or one wants to open the relationship and the other doesn’t. Soft swinging can provide the give and take necessary for such relationships to last.

Read: The Benefits and Challenges of Swinging

Other couples choose soft swinging in hopes of building, growing, or saving a relationship. Any kind of non-monogamy intended to “save” a damaged relationship is arguably ill advised, but nonetheless, that is a reason some couples choose to open the doors.

Others try soft swinging to build or grow an already stable relationship, choosing to add excitement and intimacy and share new experiences together. They don’t necessarily want to have penetrative sex with other lovers and prefer the playful, soft swap as an approach.

Sexy Party Club

Some couples want to keep their vows and remain committed to each other sexually and see soft swinging as a way to have their cake and eat it too. While this may feel like a mere technicality to some, it’s quite common in polyamory in general to have something that is only for the primary partnership.

Read: Polys and Swingers: the Great Divide

Some couples only perform specific fetishes or kinks with each other and have other kinds of sex with other lovers. Some don’t indulge in anal outside the primary bond. This is one way some couples keep something for each other while still enjoying new sexual experiences.

Still others find soft swinging to be “foreplay” in the sense that they can get all revved up and then take the final home stretch of sexual intercourse together later or after the fact. The soft swapping is steamy and fun, but its purpose is more intense sex together and a deeper bond of trust and intimacy.

Read: How to Be Swingers: A Guide for Swinging Beginners

12 Soft Swap Tips and Ideas

Soft swinging doesn’t necessarily feel limited just because “sex” is off the table. Many lovers who are into soft swapping find quite the opposite—that soft swinging means longer, hornier, juicier, more imaginative sex.

Penetrative sex can be extremely satisfying physically and psychologically, but going without amps up desire and inspires lovers to get creative and take their time.

Penetrative sex is goal oriented sex—getting to the finish line. Soft swinging puts making out and touching back on the table the way it was before we went “all the way.” Sometimes we forget all about kissing, making out, teasing, and touching.

Soft swinging brings us back to that space where we can make out just for the sake of making out, forever. The thrill is there with new partners, and amps up the ecstasy at home too!

1. Kissing and Necking

Making out is wonderful, and the soft swinging lifestyle is all about making out. Swapping lip service with new lovers is one of the joys of life.

Read: Rediscover Kissing in Your Relationships

2. Dressing Up

Half the fun of meeting new partners and dating is dressing up and enjoying the possibilities to be had in a little black dress or quirky bow tie.

When we get used to each other, we often wear our Netflix gear and forget about lip gloss and pedicures. But the possibility of swapping means perfume, trimming hairs, new shoes. Wearing sexy clothes is a fun part of sex.

3. Undressing

Then again, taking those sweet little lacy ivory thongs back off is the name of the game.

Read: How to Undress a Woman for Sex

4. Sensual Massage

Erotic massage means getting acquainted with the whole body of a soft swap lover.

5. Mutual Masturbation

Masturbating each other with hand or vibrating toy is a great way to get off together.

Read: Mutual Masturbation Tips

6. Masturbating Together

Watching each other masturbate to orgasm is also extremely hot.

Read: Women Share How They Masturbate

7. Humping

Rubbing against each other, fully clothed, or nude, can be urgent, handsy sex.

8. Breast play

Lavish all your erotic attention on her nipples and breasts, with your eyes, hands, and tongue.

9. Foot Fetish Play

Foot massage, pedicure, and rubbing your cock against her toes or shoes is non-penetrative sex.

Read: How to Give a Footjob Step by Step

10. Voyeurism

Soft swapping often takes place with more than one couple in the room. Classic swinging means you hook up right there, with your partner in another lusty heap in the same room. This lends itself well to erotic watching.

11. Cunnilingus

Everyone needs more pussy licking. Her, and him.

Read: Advanced Pussy Licking Tips

12. Blowjobs

Once you have penetrative sex, the blowjob to orgasm thing somehow comes to an end. Soft swinging can revive a lost pleasure.

Read: ENM Relationships: 10 Examples of Ethical Non-Monogamy

Do you engage in soft swinging or swapping? Please share your experience!

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