Tips & Advice

How to Find Swinger Couples

Couple Watching Porn

Are you wondering where you can meet swinger couples?

Here are a just a few messages from PT readers who are also interested, as well as some tips to help you get started.

My wife and I chose polyamory on our tenth wedding anniversary. That was a few years ago, and it has greatly enriched our marriage. However, we feel that dating or sex “on the side” independently isn’t really our style. We want to be more closely connected and prefer the old school “swinging couples.” Basically, we want to date other couples. What would you suggest? – Paul and Paula

My girlfriend said she’s more than happy to participate in outside flings if I find a swinger couple looking for the same. I have this big green light and no clue how to meet swingers. – Thom

I went to a kinky mingle with my partner, looking for swinger couples interested in mixing things up with us. All I could see was S&M and some fancy costumes. We’re young and attractive. How can we meet other swinging couples who want to mix? – Manuel

How to Meet Local Swinger Couples

Keep your eyes and ears alert for signals.

Here’s the thing—there are swinging couples everywhere you look. They don’t necessarily advertise their private thrills when shopping, working, doctoring, teaching, or living daily life. But instead of assuming everyone you meet is monogamous or disinterested in sharing partners—the default position—assume many people are sexually adventurous.

Don’t stalk or harass anyone with private questions. Just be alert for signals. Maybe they speak positively about open relationships or express empathy for a couple in a film, that kind of thing. Maybe they have a flyer for a sexy nightclub on their fridge door.

Tread carefully here to avoid being creepy or overstepping boundaries. You simply want to be alert and aware that while not everyone is a swinger, swingers are everywhere anyone else is.

Attend kinky parties and polyamorous meetups.

The odds of meeting a sexy swinging couple to play with is greater at a poly event or kink night than it is at a PTA meeting or soccer practice. Just saying.

Things don’t always happen as quickly as we’d like, but if you are interested in swinging as a lifestyle or a lusty while, rather than a one-night love affair or weekend adventure, meeting other curious and kinky people with sex on their minds will ultimately yield more possibilities.

Read: How to Find Polyamorous Partners

Attend sex clubs, swinging parties and events.

Do a bit of research and you’ll find out that even if you live in a remote, rural area, there are likely others interested in swinging sex. Swinging is nothing new. The term changes names from time to time or lurks under other kink and poly styles, but couples have been swapping partners since we were primates!

Your community may have underground swinging events—not “kink” or “fetish” or “poly” balls, but swinging nights. In my best friend’s hometown, two-for-one wings night at the jazz dive was unofficially swing night for decades! Find out where yours is. Ask other couples you may know.

You can also go to a high-end sex nightclub in a big city. Many of these are essentially swinging joints, all about sharing and watching. These can be pretentious and selective rather than inclusive—they are, after all, “exclusive nightclubs.” But it’s one option.

Be part of the polyamory community.

Again, if it’s just a weekend thrill you’re seeking, you may not want to invest energy joining a larger community. But if swinging is a way of life you’re looking to be part of, it pays to meet open-minded people and network.

The poly community is not just about hooking up, however—it is also about life stuff like advocacy for legal rights for poly families, friendship, health, sports, arts, and anything else that is part of the whole picture of life.

Also, note of caution, not all polyamorous people are swingers.

Read: Polys and Swingers: the Great Divide

Many poly people have relationships and sex with other people as individuals. My various boyfriends (and girlfriends!) don’t necessarily have anything to do with each other. Many poly people have rules about NOT boinking their neighbors or besties or NOT having sex as a couple.

However, you won’t meet swinger couples in staunchly monogamous circles.

Meet other swinger couples on niche dating sites.

Niche dating for kinks and fetishes, or simply targeting the type of person you want to meet or the person who practices in a particular way is easiest done online. You untangle all that stuff in advance, and then you decide to meet or not to test the chemistry in real life.

It’s much more difficult to spot an attractive couple in a bar or at a cosmetics counter, then approach them and ask if they swing, and then, if you haven’t landed a black eye, find out whether they are attracted to you and your partner and willing to go for it.

There are loads of specialty sites for polyamorous lovers, where you can specify your interest in swinging or couples’ hookups. And there are specific sites that cater to swinging or couple mixing in particular.

Read: How To Find Group Sex Online

Set up a dating profile for the two of you as a couple.

On websites where you can post a profile as a couple seeking another couple, why not do so?

Make YOUR profile accessible to other swinger couples.

If you have a profile up but all it says is “polyamorous,” you may feel you are being discreet and sophisticated. That’s all good. But if you clearly state “polyamorous husband seeking adventurous couple/swinging couple for myself and my gorgeous wife,” you are more likely to get the response you’re seeking.

Read: Couples Dating Sites: Find a Couple or Third

Are you into swinging? How and where do you meet swinger couples?

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