Looking forward to your first swinger experience?
Trust me, this is NOT like your local softball league where you get a next “at bat” when your turn comes round again. You don’t want to strike out your first time swinging!
Depending on the people you’re playing with, it might be a one-and-done situation for making mistakes, as swinging deals with people’s lives, bodies, privacy, and pleasure. Things you do NOT want to mess with.
Read: How to Be Swingers: A Guide for Swinging Beginners
Tips for First Time Swingers
Swinging is a lifelong journey with new lessons with each new experience, so let’s begin with the basics.
1. Define Boundaries and Limits
The most important thing you must decide with your partner after you decide to go to any swingers party: What is NOT Allowed? Are you not allowed to get phone numbers to meet up again? Are you not allowed to fuck more than one person? Are you not allowed to kiss? Are you not allowed to give anal?
There are X amount of rules each couple has together, and once they establish their own sexual laws, then they should feel ready to take the next step into a swingers party. Nobody can do everything, or everyone, so set your limits before they’re set for you!
Read: A Guide to Open Relationship Rules
2. Have a Signal or Code Word
Have a code word that you and your partner can use when a short breather or sudden getaway is needed. You may use your code word due to sheer exhaustion, shocking surprise, or some other unknown variable that inevitably pops up at a swinger party.
Maybe the code word is used just to signal that you need a glass of water, or maybe it’s because someone in the play puddle grabbed your ass in a way you didn’t like.
Read: Swinger Pros and Cons: The Benefits and Challenges of Swinging
3. Adhere to Party or Club Rules and Etiquette
The unspoken golden rule that is overarching everything you say and do in the swingers club: CONDUCT YOURSELF PROPERLY.
You could be the sexiest couple in the city with all the snazzy new sex toys and doodads in the world… but if you’re creepy and violate boundaries and consent, then you’ll be swiftly escorted off the premises, and probably not invited back.
Don’t get too drunk. Don’t be rude to people, but be simple and clear about affirming your boundaries if you say no. No need to be harsh, just say, “No, thank you.” Show respect, and don’t assume everyone there wants to engage sexually. Don’t fuck around and find out.
Read: 8 Group Sex Rules for Orgy Etiquette
4. Stay With or Close to Your Partner
This is also common sense, but can be easily forgotten when someone acts like a kid in a candy store. You can play with many partners, but make sure your partner and you have had sufficient time together before even touching others—that’s my modus operandi.
You may want to make sweet long love before you attend a swingers event, to make you both feel good and confident and assured. Stay close to your partner, and make sure they are comfortable at all times.
Read: How to Find Local Sex Parties
5. Socialize and Be Friendly
Taking care of your partner is important, but it is also rude to only talk them. This is a swingers party, so please strike up a conversation with someone else at least once or twice, maybe more if that’s what it takes for people to warm up.
You won’t make new friends or new lovers if you don’t talk to new people, that’s just a rule in life. Socializing is why some of these parties have munches or icebreakers before the sexy times happen.
Read: How to Find Swinger Couples
6. Start with a Soft Swap or Just Watch
Not ready to just start having sex with another couple after your first great warm-up conversation? Try a soft swap. Start with a kiss, a massage, or maybe a handjob if you’re feeling a little more frisky.
There is sometimes the option of just watching another couple go at it from the safety of you and your partner’s present-moment comfort zone. There is never a demand to participate in any healthy and safe swinger’s party, so don’t worry if you suddenly feel like just witnessing the delicious debauchery.
Read: A Guide to Soft Swinging and Soft Swaps
7. Swing Slow
Swinging is honestly a community and lifestyle practice that has existed in its modern form for decades, and gone back centuries. You have your whole life to do this, so learn to crawl before you run and fly into your fantasies.
If it is your first time swinging: play safe out the gate. At your first swinger party, observe for the first hour, please. Unless someone you crave ravenously jumps you (after asking for consent, of course), I highly recommend just watching, listening, and talking for the first while.
Get to know the guests, learn what the “regulars” like to do before playing. There may be a wine-and-cheese intro, a warm-up dance, or a straightforward ice-breaker chat where guests are encouraged to participate before getting sexy.
Swinger parties often are weekly, if not monthly, so don’t worry about missing out. There will be more opportunities. Better to take it slow and not mess up, rather than rush and not be able to come back.
Read: 5 Tips for Sex with Another Man’s Wife
8. Make Sure You’re Both Enjoying Yourselves
Constantly check in with your partner. Look at them while they’re playing and flirting with others. Watch their interactions and observe body language, but also give them all the space and freedom they need to have fun because being a jealous hawk isn’t cute for anyone!
Read: 4 Jealousy Triggers & How to Deal
9. Accept and Ask for Advice from Experienced Swingers
There’s always someone with more experience than you, and there’s always going to be someone with less experience, so start where you’re at. Be sincere about what you’re both able to do, and unable to do, because of simply not knowing yet.
There’s no problem with asking questions at a healthy swingers event—this is what we mean when we say, “Have an icebreaker!” We promote and encourage conversation constantly.
Swingers rarely have issues helping others learn how to participate properly and peacefully in the community. Ask without judgment, and don’t be shy. Keep an open mind and open heart, and you will be okay.
Read: Swinger Relationship Basics: What to Know
10. Always Play Safe
A most obvious rule that is occasionally subverted, but I will say it a thousand times: wear condoms and protect yourself! Protect your partners too, and do NOT slip or sneak out any sexual selfish shit when you’re at your first swinging experience, or ever. Don’t ruin the magic, please.
11. Reconnect and Communicate After
When it’s all said and done, make sure you hug your partner, kiss them, hold them, and just connect to them in full-bodied and present appreciation. Bonding behaviors will anchor you back to your center and help to celebrate another wonderful night of memories you made together.
Love each other for trusting each other to share each other and experience the absolute unparalleled bliss of the sexy swingers lifestyle!
Read: Swinger Pros and Cons: The Benefits and Challenges of Swinging
Addi “Malcolm Lovejoy” Stewart
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