How to Be Swingers: A Guide for Swinging Beginners

Are you a couple who wants to become swingers?

Swinging is nothing new. It’s been around as long as couples have been around. While some couples are monogamous and like it that way, lots of couples are polyamorous and are open to having multiple lovers.

Some monogamous couples open up the relationship to become swingers, and some couples who are already poly decide swinging is the best expression for their unique relationship style.

So You Want to Be a Swinger..

Swinging is a form of consensual non-monogamy where couples experience their other sexual liaisons together. While it was once called “wife swapping”, that’s not quite accurate as swinging is often female driven and led, with women being equal partners in choosing.

What Do Swingers Do?

Swinging is a highly social lifestyle where couples meet other swinging couples and then swing—that is, exchange sexual partners with another couple.

Swinging usually takes place simultaneously—in other words, when couples meet a match, the two couples go off separately for sex at the same time. It’s not about dating separately, but together.

Swinging is something that is very much done together. Swinging parties or dinner dates are about flirting and socializing together, then going off for sex. Some swingers have sex in the same room in the presence of their partners.

Read: Swinger Relationship Basics: What to Know

Couple socializing with another swinger.

How to Become Swingers

If you and your partner want to become swingers, follow these tips to get started on your erotic and intimate journey together!

Talk Together About Becoming Swingers

You’ve probably talked about, or at least thought about, becoming swingers before, if it is something you are considering. Or maybe it’s a brand new idea that you’ve recently thought about and haven’t discussed yet. Either way, you want to ask your lover’s thoughts on swinging.

If you’re already in an open relationship and want to swing together, that may mean shifting ideas about separate lovers to include each other in your future non-monogamy adventures.

If you’re a monogamous couple, you may have talked openly about your fantasies involving a third party or other lovers. Now is the time to continue this conversation and find out honestly what each of you thinks and wants in terms of sexual adventures and other affairs.

Couple discussing whether to become swingers.

Decide to Become Swingers

Some first conversations will close with the decision not to swing. Swinging is not everyone’s choice.

Some people prefer it remain a fantasy. Others prefer to date independently of their partner. Others prefer to date as a foursome with another couple and not swing outside of that arrangement. Some prefer to remain monogamous. Sometimes one partner wants to swing but the other does not.

Read: Why Open Relationships Don’t Work (and Why Some Do)

Be Sure You Both Agree About Becoming Swingers

Only you as a couple can decide whether you want to become swingers, or put the idea aside. Once you have made the decision to become a swinging couple, congratulations!

Pinpoint the Reasons You Want to Become Swingers

People choose to become swingers for many different reasons, and it’s important to discuss those reasons.

You might want to make spicy memories together. You might want to see her make love to another man and experience another woman at the same time. You might feel you want to share an adventure into the erotic world together. You might feel swinging can build your erotic bond and a deeper intimacy.

Read: 3 Ways to Build Intimacy in Relationships

You might want to meet other couples who love sex and enjoy sexy dinners and group dates, with benefits later. You might want to celebrate a landmark anniversary with a year of naughty pursuits. You might want to indulge her fantasies of making love to men with larger penises.

One of you may be from a polyamorous background and the other, monogamy. Swinging together occasionally might be the best way to join your desires. Your reasons as a couple will be highly unique to you.

Read: Polyamory vs Swingers: the Great Divide

Intimate Swinger Couple in Bed

Discuss Boundaries, Consent, Fears, and Expectations

Before you become swingers, talk about your boundaries and any rules or restrictions. Safe sex is a very common boundary. Some couples hold a specific sex act to be only theirs—perhaps anal sex, pegging, or a certain kind of kink, thereby keeping something for themselves they don’t share with swinging lovers.

Talk openly about any fears you have and work through those as a couple.

Read: A Guide to Open Relationship Rules

Meet with Other Swinger Couples

Meet couples who swing online or in person to get an idea about how the lifestyle works from people who have experience with it.

Read: How to Find Swinger Couples

Go to Swinger Parties or Mixes

There are swinger cruises, swinger nightclubs, swinger house parties, swinger brunches. Start where you’re comfortable. Enjoy meeting and mixing and flirting, and let nature take its course.

Foursome at Bar

Talk Honestly about Your First Swinging Experience

After your first swinging adventure, or after any swinging experience, talk openly about it and look at any turn-ons, disappointments, or communication issues you had. Keep the doors of communication open for a successful journey to become swingers.

Make Love Together after Swinging

Many couples who swing find making love with each other after the swinging party to be the best habit to get into.

You get to share the arousal and adventure you experienced with each other, and bond together intimately. This technique seals the togetherness of swinging, while sharing the erotic heights of novelty. It builds trust and brings you closer.

Will you try swinging? Are you and your partner already swingers?

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