New Relationship Energy (NRE) is a term used to describe all that crazy, over-the-top excitement that emanates from people when they are newly in love.
It feels so amazing when you’re in it yourself, but what about when your poly partner experiences it with someone new? Depending on the day, it can feel very difficult to cope with it. So what should you seek to focus on and what should you avoid in your efforts to accept your partner’s intense new love?
Dos and Don’ts of NRE
Do Focus on the Positive
Try to think about all the great things you have going for you. Although it might feel that your partner’s NRE is eclipsing every aspect of your life together, there are probably lots of things that are going well and that you can be grateful for. Gratitude is a great cure for jealousy and negative thinking.
Do Practice Empathy
Think about how you’ve felt at the beginning of a new relationship. It’s so exciting and energizing, right? Try to feel happy for your partner that he or she is experiencing those feelings. In poly circles, this kind of joy for the happiness of others is called compersion, and it’s essentially the opposite of jealousy.
Do Express Your Feelings
I say this a lot in my posts, but that’s because it’s so important to be honest about your feelings, especially in poly relationships. If you just can’t help but feel jealous of your partner’s annoyingly present NRE, say something about it. Talk things out with your friends or family or even your partner! You might find that just getting things out in the open makes you feel a lot better.
Don’t Become Passive-Aggressive
This can happen as a result of keeping feelings inside, that’s why it’s so important to express yourself, even when you think your feelings are silly or might not be well-received. Being passive aggressive can lead to distancing yourself in your relationships and creating a general feeling of negativity and defensiveness, neither of which create an environment of understanding and happiness.
Don’t Draw Comparisons
Try not to hold yourself up to your partner’s new lover. Things are exciting for them because they are new! They haven’t put in the months or years that lead to a deeper (albeit less thrilling) connection. What you and your partner have is wonderful for all its own reasons. Try to remember that.
Don’t Create Drama
I know you probably wouldn’t knowingly create drama but feelings of jealousy and the fear of being left out can cause one to do so subconsciously. Just be aware of how you’re acting when your partner shows signs of the NRE. Are you trying to find ways to get more of their attention? Are you bringing the focus back to you by acting out? I’m sure we’ve all been guilty of it at times.
Just be patient with yourself and your partner and in time you’ll find the NRE to be a lot less irritating. Also remember that it won’t last forever!