How to Set the Mood for Sex, for You and Your Partner

Wondering how to get in the mood for sex, or looking for ways to set the mood for sex?

Maybe you’re thinking of ways to encourage your partner to get in the mood for sex.

More sex is good for our bodies, our souls, and our relationships, but there are many things demanding our attention in our busy lives. Stress, work, and a busy social calendar can come between our best intentions and being in the mood for sex. But there are ways to prepare our minds, bodies, and spaces for intimacy.

Read: 7 Benefits of Regular Sex

How to Get in the Mood for Sex

Candles, champagne, bubble bath… am I right?

No. Getting in the mood for sex isn’t about more candles, although sure, a romantic environment helps us relax and enjoy the sensual pleasures.

Then again, we can fuck in the car, in the garage, or in the laundry room if we are revved up.

Setting the mood for sex is more about deciding we are open to having sex, and removing the barriers in the way. Any of the things we do to get in the mood for sex is about taking away the obstacles and enhancing our arousal once we’re there.

Once you and your lovers have decided you want sex, removing those brakes is essential. You have to decide emotionally that you can live without the season finale of whatever it is, and that the kids can stay an extra hour at grandma’s. You have to say fuck it to the dirty dishes, or choose to rise early tomorrow to finish your work task. All of this is just a matter of being conscious and conscientious, and making things work in your favor. The reward is worth it!

Once you remove those barriers, think about ways to increase libido, frequency, pleasure, those things.

Using anticipation in the form of text messages or dirty talk, watching porn together, dressing up to go for a martini, making out in the car, or preparing a role play scenario—there are lots of different ways to approach sex to increase desire and pleasure.

Read: How to Have Sex (almost) Every Day

How to Help Your Partner Get in the Mood for Sex

Always think in terms of barriers when you’re thinking about your lover’s mood for sex. And help them deal with those things that are in the way.

If he is always exhausted after work at the ER, for example, get creative about lunch time sex or book a weekend morning instead of being upset about his late night shifts. If she feels bloated and greasy after cooking for the family, relax together in a steamy shower.

Approach things differently—ask your lover what sex might look like if it looked like something else. I remember once when a very tired girlfriend said to me, “Honestly, the only kind of sex I would have energy for right now is reading erotica to myself while receiving oral sex.” And I thought, what’s wrong with that? “Can I do that for you?” It was so hot to meet her exactly where she was!

Read: Advanced Pussy Licking Tips

Aside from removing those barriers for your partner to get them in the mood for sex, emotional connection is also key, as well as loving or kinky touches, hints, and teasing.

Wearing something sexy you know turns him on is a tried and true way, too.

Read: Kinky Sex: 10 Surprising Benefits

Setting the Scene for Sex

You can go all out with a faux bear skin rug, a disco ball, and a Bose sound system, with scantily clad go-go dancers and erotic art films flickering across the ceiling.

You can keep things simple and just think about taking care of your space. Fresh sheets. Clean towels. Barry White.

Keep nice wines and fruits on hand. Keep things tidy. Wear nice underwear. Always think of your partner’s comfort. Make sure the bathroom is reasonably clean.

Read: Get Your Home Ready for a Date or Hookup

Mindset is the Key to Getting in the Mood For Sex

Prioritize Sex

Sometimes, sex is the priority. Libidos are powerful for many when we are young. Sex often takes center stage when a relationship is new. Some people naturally have a higher libido than others.

At other times, you may well be in the mood for sex, but your partner isn’t. Or you don’t have a babysitter, or you have to work overtime and there is no energy left at the end of the day.

The key to setting the mood for sex is making it a priority. It’s a myth that all sex is about spontaneity and intense lust. Most sex takes planning and some effort.

It’s an old therapist’s trick but a good one—and one of the tricks that successful couples, throuples, and lovers use—scheduling romance and making space for sex to happen.

Don’t rule out the idea of penciling sex into your schedule! Just like the more mundane stuff like laundry and groceries, there can be “Wednesday sex” or date night on the first Friday of each month. Value that appointment, and guard that time as if it was a work commitment.

Read: How to Prioritize Sex and Savor Your Partner

Integrate Sex into Life

Some people are more sexual than others, and some personalities are more overt and demonstrative about expressing their sexuality. There is no “should” or right personality or libido. But whatever our sexual personality, integrating sex into our whole life is one way to prioritize sex and set the mood for sex.

Understand that sex isn’t just about having a screaming orgasm or BDSM—it’s about beauty, passion, power, art, food, wine, sensuality.

Keep your space comfortable. Think sensually. Dance in the living room. Play sexy music. Move your body. Use her favorite aftershave. Wear his favorite color lingerie, under your sweats or work overalls.

Read: 23 Types of Sexuality: Glossary of Terms

It’s about everything, about caring for yourself. Taking care of your skin and hair. Pamper your body and the bodies of your lovers. Dress in a way that celebrates your personality and passion. Sex is about fresh sheets and new adventures.

Take a mindset where you do things together and think about your space and environment, rather than just scrolling through your phone at night. Try a refreshing winter walk together and then a hot shower together. Dirty dance while doing the dishes together.

Read: Sexy Date Ideas

Engage in Spontaneous Make-Out Sessions

Lovers who make out often have more sex, and fewer arguments. We forget to make out if we’ve been dating for a while, and living together can be the death of making out. So plan to have spontaneous necking sessions. See if you can make out for ten minutes three times a week, or whatever is reasonable for you.

Why not have a bit of making out when she is toweling her hair after a shower? When the roast is in the oven? Before turning on the TV in bed tonight?

Making out brings us closer and it creates anticipation, surprise, novelty, and intimacy. Make out without expecting sex to follow, and sex will follow.

You will be in the mood for sex more often just by giving yourself time to make out. And stressful tasks will be much more enjoyable after kissing and touching!

Read: Guide to Making Out: How to Make Out Step by Step

Create a Space For Sex

No one wants to do it when there’s toys to pick up and laundry to fold. You don’t have to live the lifestyles of the rich and famous to prioritize something like satin pillowcases or a red blanket, a few candles in case the mood strikes, fluffy towels, cold wine.

Have a toy box with condoms, massage oils and flavored lubes, vibrators and cock rings, light bondage restraints.

Keep erotica story collections or erotic photography books on a shelf with a sensual sculpture. Have a cheap and cheerful print framed, something French and nude, that kind of thing. Get champagne glasses. Have fresh fruit on hand. Have a playlist with earthy blues, twerk-worthy hip hop, R&B, or love ballads.

Read: Sex Songs: Best Songs to Have Sex To

What gets you and your lover in the mood? Please share!

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