Falling in Love Too Fast? How to Stop and Slow Down

Most of us have experienced the heavenly hell of falling in love too fast. It’s part of the maddening mystery of life. Then, you live and learn and find ways to proceed more sensibly the next time.

Of course, we can fall in love too fast at any time. It’s an age old story—a secure marriage, a stable life, tossed asunder in an irrational moment that someone was not expecting.

An unlucky few have never had an experience they could describe as falling in love, never mind falling in love too fast. But most people have had experiences they describe as falling in love. It is precious and mysterious because it is rare. Whether you’ve been in love once or a dozen times, few report falling in love, too fast or otherwise, as an every day or routine event.

Emophilia is the word we use to describe this exception. Emophila means falling in love too fast, too often, too easily. Emophilia means the person feels the rush, attraction, high, pull, and fall of the in-love experience at the drop of a hat.

Read: Is Love at First Sight Real?

Emophilia has been described as something that happens to those who love being in love. Emophilia has also been described as emotional promiscuity.

Do You Have Emophilia?

Do you fall in love too fast? Do you fall in love too easily? Do you fall in love too often?

If you have emophilia, you probably take issue with the word “too.”

If you have more relationship start-ups than relationships, if you prefer the rush of early love and lust to later security, if you find your relationships are all dramatic, if you cycle quickly into a new experience of falling in love, if you seek out the idea of falling in love as soon as your relationships dissolve, you may have emophilia.

Read: The Magic Number: How Many Lovers Is Ideal?

The Psychology of Falling in Love Too Fast (Love vs Infatuation)

Few of us would deny the powerful chemistry that can overtake us when we have a profound sexual attraction to another person. Some people feel they are helpless to control their attraction, and refer to this profound, intense need as a sexual addiction.

Read: Are You a Sex Addict?

But the emotional roller coaster of falling in love too fast is also a heady brew. It can cause a lot of chaos, and that consequence keeps most people in check. However, that emotional high and the (usually false) feeling of connection or a mystical bond can be just as persuasive and addictive.

There’s an old saying that love is blind, but it’s not entirely accurate. Infatuation is blind. Love sees the full humanity, including weaknesses and inconsistencies.

Infatuation makes excuses for those traits or doesn’t see them at all. Infatuation is about how someone makes YOU feel. And when you fall in love too fast, you feel special, you feel chosen, you feel rare, you feel connected. Your need for attention is being met, at least for the time being.

Thing is, you don’t really know a thing about the person, do you? And you can’t trust yourself when you’ve been down this falling-in-love-too-fast road before, over and over.

Read: Do You Need to Feel Extra Special in Your Poly Relationships?

6 Dangers of Falling in Love Too Fast

1. Emophiliacs Are Attracted to Psychopaths

I’ll just be blunt here. Emophilia is an emotional high, and it obliterates rational selection processes and cautions.

People with emophilia are drawn to intense experiences, and they are attracted emotionally and sexually to people who give them that intensity. That includes psychopaths, narcissists, manipulative people, and deeply damaged people. Needy people and people looking for a plaything are a perfect match, at least for a few minutes.

If you find yourself explaining away or glossing over someone’s very bad behavior or character, ask yourself what’s going on. If true friends and family have repeatedly pointed out disturbing traits in those you fall in love so quickly with, time to evaluate.

Read: 4 Signs Your Poly Relationship Is Toxic

2. You Fall for the Idea of Someone

Falling in love too fast isn’t really about the rare beauty and connection with a specific person at all. You fall in love fast over and over because many people are standing in for the idea of that love. Because the idea falls apart quickly in the light of real life, this leaves emophiliacs with nothing.

Read: How to Survive the Online Dating Doldrums

3. You’re Easy to Take Advantage Of

When you are addicted to emotional drama and intensity and not thinking rationally, you’re easy to control. This makes you vulnerable to narcissists and toxic or damaged people.

Read: Polyamory Cowboys: How to Avoid Their Lasso

4. You’re More Likely to Miss Red Flags

Most people dating look for signs because self protection is key. Even people who are falling in love examine various cues for danger! But emophilia means the emotional intensity is so strong that you actually dismiss or ignore red flags when you see them.

Read: 5 Red Flags to Watch for in Poly Dating

5. You Increase the Risk of Heartbreak

The cure for heartbreak when you fall in love too fast is to fall in love too fast again. This doesn’t work for most people, but for those with emophilia, it’s just the spinning cycle.

The thing is, all that drama and damage cannot ultimately stand in for what you really need—true intimacy.

Read: Non-Sexual Intimacy: How to Be Intimate without Sex

6. You Hurt Others

If you’re a glutton for punishment from falling in love too fast, maybe that’s your own business. But emophilia means hurting others, too. When they fall off the pedestals, or when the rush fades, you need that hit of drama again, the break up and the new love.

Even though you are often attracted to narcissists, there are lots of genuine people looking for connection, and you might be hurting them for no reason at all.

Read: 4 Ways to Deepen Your Poly Connections

Tips to Avoid Falling in Love Too Fast

Recognize the Illusion

If you see yourself in these patterns described, you have to be honest with yourself and come to terms with the illusion you’re serving by falling in love too fast over and over. If it was real, wouldn’t something by now have been real?

Understand the Pitfalls and Take Them Seriously

Stop ignoring the risks, stop blaming others, and take stock of your detrimental patterns and the chaos they bring you. Value yourself and your partners enough to be honest and to take the pitfalls seriously.

Read: Honesty Is the Best Poly: Stories from Women Who Practice Polyamory

Decide to Control Your Emotions, or at Least Your Behavior

Emotional control is possible to learn. It can be a long journey. But you can fake it until you make it! Your actions and behavior can follow your inner wisdom or your logical side, even if your emotions don’t immediately match up.

Make the decision to act rationally and not from the drama of the emotional undertow. Get help from a coach, therapist, or spiritual leader, or a support group, to support you while you practice.

Read: How to Not Fall in Love: 11 Tips and Ideas

Do you fall in love too fast? Over and over again? Please share!

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