Poly NRE: Avoiding Jealousy

If you coast around on poly sites online, eventually you’ll come upon the acronym NRE. But what is this elusive thing, written like it’s the saving grace or nail in the coffin of otherwise flourishing poly relationships?

NRE stands for New Relationship Energy. Modernpoly.com defines it as “The surge of erotic and emotional energy in a relatively new relationship.” Surely, we can all relate to this.

Everybody’s had those butterflies duking it out in their abdomen at the beginning of a new relationship. That feeling of euphoria when your text alert sounds and you see there’s a message from your latest sweetie. The excitement of having your crush reciprocated. And the kissing, the longing gazes, the mind-blowing getting-to-know-you sex. NRE is common to all of us, not just those living a poly life, but it does affect poly people in a very specific way.

When your primary partner is experiencing NRE with a new partner, it can be very difficult to bear.  It’s hard  to compare side-by-side the chemistry you have in your familiar connection – termed “Long Term Energy” or LTE – to that of the two starry-eyed lovers, and not feel yourself coming up short.  Jealousy, that familiar foe of poly life, is bound to rear its ugly head.

But if looked at in an optimistic light, NRE is good for everyone.  The excitement felt in one bedroom can easily spill over into another, if enough support and encouragement are in place.  If you’re feeling like the third wheel, tell your partner you are happy they’re so positive about the new connection, and that you’d love to get in on the celebrating.

Getting through this period in your poly relationship can be trying, but remembering a few key things will certainly help.  Keep in mind that you and your primary partner once experienced NRE, and though it was a thrilling ride, the LTE you now share is wonderful, and only time and very deep love can produce it. Communication, as always, is your friend here.  Don’t be afraid to let your partner know what he or she can do to make you feel more secure. Routinely check in with each other’s emotions. Also, if your partner’s new chemical surge is causing them to idealize the new person, resulting in you gritting your teeth, be patient – this rose-colored glasses period won’t last. NRE, though powerfully captivating, does fade. If that weren’t the case, you and your partner never would have found the precious LTE you now share!

Has NRE interrupted your partnership?  Tell me how in the comments below.

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