So, you’ve chosen to try polyamory. Now what? It’s not like the world is filled with non-monogamous people, waiting to jump into bed with you and your wife. While it’s possible you’ll meet the poly person of your dreams in your supermarket’s frozen food section, it’s highly unlikely.
Wouldn’t it be great if there was some kind of poly handshake, or signal? Until then, I guess we’ll just have to rely on the following ways to connect with one another.
4 Places to Meet Poly People
1. Poly Meetups
If you live in an urban area, chances are there are poly people near you and that they have formed a community. Go online to see if you can find links to poly meetups and events. In my city these include things like discussion groups about poly life, movie nights, poly-themed comedy shows, retreats, and more.
Some groups have restrictions around dating, or picking people up. In some cases, it’s totally off limits, but this shouldn’t prevent you from making connections and getting the low down on your local dating scene.
2. Poly Speed-Dating Events
This is probably the easiest way to meet the most poly people in one go. Like all speed-dating events, it can feel a little overwhelming—I definitely wouldn’t recommend it for the socially awkward, introverted, or anxious among us. But for those who prefer face-to-face interaction over online messaging, it’s a great option.
Keep in mind that you might see a lot of familiar faces there. The poly community is close knit, especially if you live in a smaller city or town. Also be prepared for a disproportionate number of men to women. All that aside, some poly people have had great success at these events.
3. Sex Clubs
If you’re looking for more of a casual encounter, the sex club can offer that. While you might meet people there with whom you can enjoy a more lasting connection, it’s generally not the case.
People who go to the club are mostly looking to engage in something kinky, or to satisfy their voyeuristic fantasies. Swingers frequent these places, so if you’re closer to that end of the poly spectrum, you might well find what you’re looking for. If you’re more interested in forging relationships, you might want to try a more conservative approach.
4. Poly Dating Sites
This is the easiest, most direct way to meet poly people. Find a poly-specific dating site like PolyamoryDate.com, or one that encourages non-monogamous relationships like CouplesDating.com, and go to town. Some great things about online dating include access to like-minded people, the ability to craft a profile that accurately represents your wants and needs, and the option to flirt from home.
I found my poly partner of five years on a dating site. I doubt we would have met out in the real world, as we are both shy, and I’ll admit a little awkward. There’s something about the time and control afforded by online communication that makes it easier for awkward people to hookup.
Where have you met poly people? Share your story in a comment!