Every relationship has its challenges. It doesn’t matter if you’re poly or mono, new partners or long-time loves, sometimes shit happens, and when it does, you need to work a little harder to keep the love alive.
But what about when things get really tough, as in I’ve-developed-ulcers-and-a sleep-disorder tough? As a self-proclaimed adversity junkie, I know how hard it is to give up the fight for love, even when that fight becomes ridiculously exhausting and self-destructive.
For those of you who need a reason to take off the gloves and move on, I give you…
4 Signs Your Poly Relationship Is Toxic
1. You Fight All the Time
I’m not taking about day-to-day squabbles that flare up now and again—those are just part of being in a relationship. I’m talking about knock-down, drag-out, deep-seated resentments that never seem to get resolved, no matter how many times you hash them out. You can try therapy because it’s absolutely saved some couples, but if you’ve gone that route and you still fight all the time, it might be time to part ways.
2. You Feel Emotionally Drained after Spending Time Together
Healthy relationships are supposed to feel good! Spending time together doesn’t have to be all fun all the time, but it should at least leave you feeling positive and revitalized more often than not. Even when your partner is struggling and you’re called upon to offer hard-core emotional support, you should feel recharged soon after the crisis has passed. If your relationship consistently saps your energy and leaves you feeling sad or angry, it’s definitely toxic.
3. It’s Mostly One-Sided
Are you the only one reaching out, or have you closed yourself off from your partner? In either case, the lack of reciprocity in your relationship is sure to create a toxic environment. In order for a relationship to stay healthy, those involved need to be equally invested in making it work. That means a willingness to communicate and resolve problems. Extended silent treatments or the withholding of emotional support are signs that things just aren’t right.
4. You’re Never Sure Where You Stand
One mind-fucking disadvantage of one-sided relationships is that you never know what your partner is thinking. You can make all the guesses you want, but you probably won’t be right. This kind of uncertainty is one hundred percent crazy making, and it’s a strong indication that you should bail. Healthy love never makes you feel insecure or unwanted. It never leaves you wondering if it’s real, or if you’re insane for feeling the way you do.
Yes, it sucks to realize that a once healthy relationship has become toxic, especially when you’ve put in years of work just trying to make things right. All you can do is surround yourself with as much healing love as you can, be it from friends or the other lovers in your life. Give yourself time to grieve and be angry, then move on from the heartache.
Have any advice to share with regards to ending a toxic relationship? Please feel free to comment.