One of the biggest challenges of the polyamorous lifestyle is dealing with jealous partners.
Part of the problem is that there are many more people in this world who will say they have no issues with jealousy than there are people who actually have no issues with jealousy. Many of them don’t even think they are jealous, just loving and loyal people… who don’t particularly want to share you with anyone.
The best way to deal with a jealous partner in a non-monogamous relationship is to do it directly, immediately and completely, from the very first indication you get that one of your partners is struggling with jealousy. It starts with being honest and upfront; don’t lead your partner to believe you are only interested in seeing her, or that you only have eyes for her. You have to be clear that you don’t want that kind of relationship, and that while you don’t want to impose ultimatums, jealousy is a deal-breaker for you. If she can’t overcome it, then you’re not the man for her. Period.
This may seem harsh, but think about it: Is it really kinder to string someone along, or to pretend that you don’t notice their jealousy and aren’t bothered by it?
Issues caused by jealousy don’t get better by ignoring them; in time they fester and blossom into full blown resentment, or ever-increasing attempts to establish control. Jealousy is a horrible impediment to happiness in monogamous relationships; just imagine how impossible it would make joy to experience in a polyamorous one!
Of course, a little jealousy is normal, so it’s important not to overreact and risk ruining a good relationship by assuming your girlfriend’s minor concerns are a big issue in waiting. Sometimes, a few extra minutes of cuddling and intimacy, just a little something to make her feel extra special from time to time, is all that’s needed.
What are your tips for dealing with jealousy in your open relationship?
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