Jealous Partners in Polyamory

One of the biggest challenges in polyamorous relationships is avoiding the dreaded J-word. Good old green-eyed jealousy. There are many individuals in our community who claim to never get jealous. You hope the majority of them are telling the truth, but not everyone is immune. Some are naturally inclined to be jealous, and some find insecurity along the way and fall into it’s trap. Regardless of how one succumbs to it, jealousy has no place in a healthy, loving, and understanding polyamorous relationship – one that will last anyway.

3 Ways to Deal With a Jealous Partner

1. Squash Insecurity
Jealousy is born out of insecurity and insecurity alone. People who are secure in a relationships don’t get jealous. If your partner feels insecure and threatened, it’s best to get right down to the root of it, and find out why they feel this way. Address it head on. Ask them if there’s something you’re doing or not doing to make them feel less secure. Is it a past issue with abandonment? A previous relationship gone wrong?  Once someone recognizes the root of their insecurity, they can begin to work through it and change their jealous behaviour.

2. Fear and Fear Itself
Ok, so I lied. Jealousy isn’t just born out of insecurity, it’s also born out of fear. Fear of abandonment, fear that your partner will spend more time with his or her other partners, or fear of a new partner. I recommend when entering any polyamorous relationship that all parties share their fears openly and honestly and not feel AFRAID to share. After all, one of the most wondrous parts of a healthy and open relationship is complete trust and the ability to express all feelings. In fact, those are essential.

3. Give More
So one of your partners is jealous. It happens. We know that it can manifest itself in different ways, and we know it can be discussed openly. While you’re working on these issues with your partner, you can also do your best to make them feel more secure, special, wanted, needed, and valued. Now I’m not saying to coddle or suffocate your partner. Just give them a little bit more to help get them over that hump.

Trust me, from experience, this open and honest communication is the best approach to dealing with jealousy.

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