Interested in having a swinger relationship? Learn how swingers define their relationships and make it work.
Ethical non-monogamy is a hot topic these days, one we are hearing about more and more openly. Different kinds of non-monogamous arrangements work for different people, and include swinger relationships, hotwifing, polyamorous throuples or quads, and cuckolding.
Swinger relationships and other kinds of sexual liberation came out of the Free Love movement in the 60s—they aren’t known as The Swinging 60s for nothing!
Read: Swinger Lifestyle 101: All About Swingers
What Is a Swinger Relationship?
Swinger relationships are a form of non-monogamy where both partners are free to choose other lovers. It differs from other non-monogamous arrangements such as open relationships, because the “swinging” usually takes place together—couples go out together to “swing,” rather than dating or seeking sex at different times. It also differs from polyamory, because the affairs are casual sex and not intimate relationships.
In swinger relationships, sex is a social event and swinging is a form of social sex.
Couples in swinger relationships find other swinging couples at private parties, resorts, swinger clubs, hotels, and online. There is an underground network of swingers who look for events and places where swinging takes place.
Read: How to Find Swinger Parties Near You
In swinging relationships, the couple may also have sex with each another while others are in the room. The visuals and sounds are extra stimulating. Couples may go off with other connections to other rooms, or continue in the same room.
Because couples sometimes switch partners with another couple, swinger relationships were once called “wife swapping.” This terminology has lost its luster because it sounds sexist and also like the swinging itself is something the “wives” do passively.
Most swinger relationships are not about men swapping their wives, but about sexually liberated women confidently participating in their marriages and in other sexual relationships.
Read: Married Swingers Tell All: What Swinging in Marriage is Really Like
4 Types of Swinging Relationships
There are different types of swinger relationships and swinging. Here are some terms and definitions of swinging and swinger relationships.
1. Soft-Swap Swinging
The soft swap is a term you’ll need to know involving swinger relationships. Soft swapping means you don’t have penetrative sex with other partners—penis-in-vagina or penis-in-anus sex, in other words.
Many couples in swinger relationships save penetration for each other but enjoy other kinds of play with others, called soft swap swinging.
Read: A Guide to Soft Swinging and Soft Swaps
2. Full-Swap Swinging
Full swap swinging is when penetration sex with lovers outside the swinger relationship is agreed on and consented to. Full-swap swinging means both parties are open to “full” sex, including penetration, with outside lovers.
3. Open Swinging
Another term you’ll hear is “open swinging.” It is common for couples to have sex in the same room as their partner and their lover.
Open swinging refers to lovemaking beside or near your committed partner. Usually they have sex as separate couples, not altogether, but in view of each other.
Read: Swingers and Voyeurism: How to Be a Swinger Voyeur
4. Closed Swinging
Swinger relationships where lovers prefer to close the door when with another lover are practicing what’s known as closed swinging.
Because swinging is so social, those with a preference for privacy have the term closed swinging whereas open swinging is for couples who make love with new partners in the same room as their spouse or lover.
Read: Tips for Having Sex with Another Man’s Wife
Are Swinger Relationships Healthy?
Healthy relationships depend on a deep bond, mutual care and respect, shared experiences, and love. Any kind of relationship has the potential to be healthy and happy, or not.
Monogamous relationships are not automatically healthy and do not have more security, but swinging or other forms of polyamory won’t salvage a relationship that is insecure and troubled. Many monogamous couples are healthy and happy in their kind of commitment, and many in a swinger relationship are deeply bonded as well.
Swinger relationships can be extremely fulfilling and healthy for couples in a solid relationship. Swinging can add sexual excitement, novelty, and variety, not just individually to each partner, but to the relationship itself.
Sharing these intense experiences and the trust that is built can build a more solid relationship. There are many surveys of swingers that proclaim the benefits of swinger relationships—the majority report a more satisfying sex life and a deeper bond with each other, and most report that jealousy is not an issue.
But there are lots of other anecdotal reports about envy, dissolving marriages, and other fallouts. Perhaps common sense would conclude that it depends on the couple and what their needs and expectations are, and if they were in a healthy relationship before.
Read: Swinger Pros and Cons: The Benefits and Challenges of Swinging
Tips for Making a Swinger Relationship Work
The essential ingredient in a successful swinger relationship is prioritizing each other. A swinger relationship includes social sex with others, but it is all about the swinger relationship in the first place.
Read: How to Introduce Your Partner to Swinging
- Successful swinging is not about a private and independent extracurricular love affair, but about participating in a hot sex lifestyle together.
- Practice compersion—feel happy for your partner’s sexual gratification, rather than jealous.
- Communication is key. Talk honestly and openly, and listen to each other. Respect changes and choices regardless of whether they change or stay the same.
- Don’t use sex with others to “get back at” each other or to put each other against the relationship. Use it to draw closer to each other. Share your excitement together.
- Use your swinging experiences to improve the sexual bond you have with your committed partner.
Read: 11 Tips for Your First Time Swinging
Are you a swinger relationship? What do you love about the swinger lifestyle?
Tell us what you think