The swinger lifestyle is making a major comeback. What’s it all about?
While non-monogamy and polyamory have always been present in one way or another, the term “swinging” and “swinger” went out of vogue for a while and seemed old-fashioned. Now it’s hot again, and swinging as a term, and “the lifestyle” are back in style.
What Is a Swinger?
A swinger is someone who swings. Basically, a swinger is someone in a committed relationship, often husband and wife, who chooses to have sexual relationships with other committed couples who want to switch partners.
A swinger wants to enjoy extracurricular sex, a variety of partners, and novelty, and they want to enjoy this in the context of their relationship rather than independently. It is usually sexual and not emotional, although some couples merge together to form a polyamorous relationship. Anything can happen.
Generally speaking, a swinger is not looking to date someone while their husband or wife stays home or even goes out with someone else. They want to double date together, with like-minded couples, switching partners for sexual excitement.
Read: Swinger Relationship Basics: What to Know
What Is the Swinger Lifestyle?
The swinger lifestyle is a form of non-monogamy, specifically where a long-term couple, often married, chooses to “swing” or switch partners with other like-minded couples.
Swinging is about embracing other sexual relationships, or non-monogamy, but it implies that there is a committed couple or primary relationship.
In the swinger lifestyle, it’s also implied that the couple is mutually involved sexually with other couples who swing. This is why it is sometimes called “wife swapping.”
Swinging was euphemistically known as “the lifestyle,” a term that signified to other couples an openness to switching partners. Today the term swinging is becoming the preferred lifestyle term again!
Read: 34 Swinger Terms and Slang Words Defined
Why Do Swingers Swing?
Swinging is a way to bring a variety of partners and new sexual experiences into a marriage or committed relationship. Couples who are committed to their relationship but recognize the natural desire for other lovers may want to expand their horizons or spice things up between each other.
Swingers are often very secure in their relationship and mutually wish to expand their sexual adventures. They do this both to enjoy new lovers and to bring sexual excitement to their own relationship.
It is very hot to go out as a couple looking for sex together. It can be very exciting to know your long-term boyfriend is in the next room fucking your best friend, while her husband takes you from behind.
Swinging is about sharing the experiences together.
A wife might date another man on Wednesday evenings, or not say a word about her date, or may date the same man her husband is sleeping with. Swinging is about igniting the core relationship, looking together, and enjoying the sexual attention as a couple.
Sometimes the swinging couples make love in the same room and watch each other too. Swinger voyeurism and exhibitionism can also be reasons why swingers swing.
Read: Swinger Pros and Cons: The Benefits and Challenges of Swinging
What Is a Swinger Party?
A swinger party is a private party arranged for swingers, often at a swinger couple’s home, sometimes in a hotel or an event place rented for the occasion. It’s a place for couples in the swinging lifestyle to meet others.
A swinger party may be a sex party, encouraging people to enjoy making love in private rooms. Others are a regular kind of party for swingers to meet each other, then go home together if they meet another couple and click. A swinger party on a cruise or in a hotel may be convenient because consenting couples can retire to their own rooms, and at the party itself they just meet, mingle, and flirt.
How much sex takes place at the party itself depends on the taste and facilities of the swinger party host, as well as on local laws and regulations.
Read: How to Find Swinger Parties Near You
What Happens at a Swinger Club?
Just as going to a nightclub to drink, dance, talk, and enjoy the sexual energy can be exciting for a single looking for sex, going together as a couple for all those reasons can be amazing and exciting.
Most swinger clubs are somewhat upscale, spacious clubs with music, cocktails, and seating designed for comfortable mingling.
There may be a dress code. Some swinger clubs may be kink or fetish-oriented and have dress codes for fetishes, but most will have a “dress up” policy instead, where swingers are expected to present in a slightly upscale fashion, rather than street clothes. Some may expect women to wear high heels and some may simply have a no tracksuit rule. Each club is different.
Read: Swinger Clothing: What to Wear at a Swingers Club
Lots of swinger clubs have banquettes and chaise lounges for easy mingling and physical activity, to facilitate making out and touching and talking with four people at a table. Many will have rooms where consenting adults or two couples can go to make love in private.
How to Become a Swinger
If you and your partner want to become swingers, the best way forward is to get out there and meet other swingers or meet swinger couples online.
It’s a good idea to have open communication beforehand and keep it open throughout, being honest as new emotions arise. Remember, you are doing this together!
Read: How to Introduce Your Partner to Swinging
Decide what kind of boundaries you want to have. Your boundaries can change along the way with communication and consent. To start, you may want to move slowly and start with soft swinging. Enjoy flirting and making out with others, and then have hot sex together, building up to the full swing.
Make sure you determine together what kinds of safe sex are essential and commit to them.
Then meet other swingers through online dating sites and eventually attend parties or nightclubs.
Just as many kink lovers use a “safe word,” having a safe signal established ahead of time is a good idea, if one of you is uncomfortable or needs to confer with the other.
Read: How to Be Swingers: A Guide for Swinging Beginners
Are you already part of the swinger lifestyle? What tips can you share?
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