Throuple Dating and Relationship Tips

What Is a Throuple Relationship?

A throuple is three people who are in an intimate relationship together. The word “throuple” is a mix of “three” and “couple.”

Throuples are a kind of ethical non-monogamy (ENM) that individuals choose to be a part of who are not interested in monogamous relationships.

Read: 10 Examples of Ethical Non-Monogamy Relationships

A throuple is a kind of polyamory—loving more than one person at the same time—and there may be open relationships within the throuple, individuals branching out with other lovers.

Some throuples prefer to call themselves a triad, and either term may be interchangeable by those involved.

Just like any poly or non-monogamous relationship, there may be rules that are written or respected by the members of the group to make it as successful and enjoyable to all three involved.

Throuples are often composed of two women and one man, but can be the opposite or all men or all women. Sexual identities and orientations may be fixed or fluid.

While in most throuple or triad relationships, all parties are romantically and sexually link, occasionally it is a type of V relationship, wherein one person acts as a hinge to two metamours who have less of a romantic or sexual relationship or hardly one at all. Definition and composition of what a throuple is will be determined by the three.

Read: Poly Throuples: Answers to Common Questions

Throuple Dating and Relationship Tips

1. Find Throuple Partners Online

If you are only at the interest stage of being in a throuple, either with a current partner or by joining a couple, your best solution is to use a niche online dating site that caters to polyamorous singles and couples looking for new partners.

These dating sites are not free, but they are exclusive to those who are interested in non-monogamous relationships and lifestyles. You will meet others who want the same thing.

Read: How to Find Polyamorous Partners

2. Date before Committing

You may have a fantasy throuple in mind, but without the right people it’s a fruitless endeavor.

Just as meeting the right person for a monogamous relationship who is interested in commitment, finding two partners who you want to grow together with in loving harmony, needs patience and perseverance.

Take your time and be open—finding THE three that work can take time, and sometimes it does start with a couple connecting before finding the magical third to fit.

Read: Commitment vs. Containment: An Important Distinction

3. Define Your Throuple

As mentioned above, a throuple’s interactions can look very different from one to the next. How do you as individuals and as a group define a throuple? Can other terms be used to identify your collective relationship? Do you all have the same idea of what it means to be in a throuple?

Perhaps you’ll discover that you are in something that isn’t quite a throuple, but some other type of non-monogamous relationship arrangement. Your throuple may evolve into something different over time.

4. Create Rules Collectively

Are you all sleeping in a bed together, or do you all prefer separate residences? Do you want to keep sex between yourselves, in twosomes or threesomes, or do you want an open-door policy for all three? Is your throuple status discreet or something you can share, and with whom?

Ten different throuples may all run very differently but be as equally successful. Much of that success will dependend on the rules you create and follow.

Sit down and design how you want your throuple to run as smoothly as possible. These rules will include boundaries and limits you can all agree upon.

Read: 4 Rules for Transparent Throuple Relationships

5. Be Inclusive

One issue that comes up in any relationship with more than two is someone feeling left out at times. And this is another reason to carve out rules that will include things like time management for individuals and twosomes within the throuple.

If you are feeling like a third wheel in a throuple, you’ll need to speak up. Finding balance so that all three members feel they have the time they need and desire is important. Some parties may want more time alone or with one of the others, or both.

Read: How to Make More Time with Your Partners

6. Do Regular Check-Ins

Many polyamrous people schedule a regular check-in that is a safe space for members of a group to voice concerns they have, individually or for the group.

Issues brought up in check-ins can be anything to do with feelings, date nights, travel plans, conflicts, confidentiality, sex, expanding the group—anything that needs sharing and airing.

Read: 4 Ways to Keep Your Polycule in the Loop

7. Acknowledge Jealousy

One of the biggest myths of poly relationships is that polyamorous people don’t get jealous because it’s always one big love in. Wrong. Humans all experience jealousy from time to time, some more than others.

The more people in a relationship, the more opportunities or triggers for jealous emotions are present. It’s okay to feel jealous. It’s not okay to react in a petty, aggressive, or destructive manner because you feel jealous.

Read: The Causes of Jealousy in Relationships

8. Deal with Conflict as It Comes

Because there will always be unavoidable conflict in relationships, you want to deal with problems as they arise otherwise they will fester.

You can add something about how to deal with conflict into your “rules playbook” that will encourage everyone in your throuple to face things head on. You’ll also want to know when to speak with one person in the throuple and when it would be better to have a sit down with all three.

Read: Read: MMF Relationships: Benefits & Challenges

9. Move On when It Isn’t Working

Even with the best intentions for long-term love in a non-monogamous arrangement, things can fall apart.

It may be a throuple explosion with all three breaking apart for a variety of reasons, or it may be one person who needs to leave by choice or who is forced out because they are harmful in some way to the other two who choose to stay together or look for a new third to create new throuple.

If you are unhappy in a throuple, do what you can to fix things if that’s what you truly want. If you are feeling like a constant third wheel because the chemistry is unbalanced, also know when you should leave for everyone’s happiness.

Read: Dos and Don’ts for Surviving a Poly Breakup

10. Learn from Your Experience

You may find out that being in a throuple isn’t what you thought it would be, or maybe you were just with the wrong people. Reflect on what worked and what didn’t in your last throuple. Find another throuple or non-monogamous dynamic that works for you based on your previous experiences.

Are you in a throuple? Do you want to be in a throuple? Please share in the comments!

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