Polyamory, a lifestyle that simply means “love of many,” has as many variables and arrangements.
For most people it means having, or being open to having, more than one relationship at a time. But it is becoming increasingly common for people to form triads or polycules. These are relationships between three or more lovers at once. In other words, it’s a threesome that exists outside the bedroom too.
While FFM relationships are always popular with poly guys, the MMF triad is also on the rise.
There are many kinds of poly MMF relationships, with pros and cons, and benefits and challenges to the arrangement.
Types of MMF Poly Relationships
Female-Centered MMF Triads
A very common kind of MMF triad is female driven. The trilogy centers on the female. It exists essentially to allow her to maintain love relationships with two different men, without having to make one a primary partner or value one man over the other.
This is an egalitarian solution to a situation where a woman loves two men. Rather than choosing one and abandoning the other, or relegating one to secondary status, both are equal in her life.
In this arrangement, the men’s involvement with each other romantically is practical. Since they share a female, they may also enjoy threesomes together, and may live together or share equally in household and relationship responsibilities and decisions.
Female-Led MMF Triads
The female-centered MMF triad also exists outside of the egalitarian model, when the female is dominant. This arrangement is for a queen and her submissives, and it may have humiliation, sissification, or cuckold aspects. She’s the boss, and her men exist to please her. It doubles the pleasure for a woman who desires a female-led relationship (FLR) lifestyle.
Bisexual or Bi-Curious MMF Triads
Another kind of MMF relationship is a threesome that forms when a man is bisexual. A polyamorous man-to-man couple might naturally include a woman when one or both of the guys are equally as attracted to women as to men. Or a male-female couple may choose to branch out to indulge the male partner’s bisexual side. This often blossoms into “more than sex” and a triad relationship forms between all three partners.
Benefits of Poly MMF Relationships
One of the most amazing benefits of polyamory arrangements of all kinds is that it offers a solution to common problems that mean separation and exclusion in monogamous paradigms.
When humans naturally find themselves attracted to new individuals, emotionally or physically, their choices are usually to deny themselves, to hurt their loved one, to choose one over the other, or to walk away from all the options. Polyamory offers a radical solution to this—what if you can have it all? What if loving someone else doesn’t have to ruin what already exists?
When my friend Angela found out her husband (and childhood sweetheart) was bisexual—it had been true the whole time but nothing had had ever happened—it caused both of them so much pain and vulnerability. She felt she couldn’t trust him, even though he did nothing wrong.
When a similar situation arose for a poly friend, it seemed natural to allow her partner to explore that side of himself because she had occasional lovers too. It turned out she really connected with one of his dates, and the three found themselves forming a triad.
A triad also benefits folks economically and can mean shared distribution of responsibilities.
Challenges of MMF Poly Relationships
Challenges include all the usual struggles in relationships. Meshing three personalities can be even trickier than resolving differences between two. Certainly there are social stigma concerns and stressors involved in having three sets of in-laws and explaining your private business to the wider community.
Thankfully, as polyamory gains more mainstream attention and acceptance, some of these obstacles will recede naturally.
Are you in an MMF relationship? Share your story in the comments!