If there’s one thing that frustrates me about poly life, it’s that sometimes I feel left out of the fold. My partner and metamour share a home, which means that they have plenty of chances to talk and fill each other in on all the small yet important details of their daily lives. I live across town and see my partner a few days a week. I love our arrangement, but sometimes it feels that I am not part of the “inner sanctum.”
Here are some ways that you and your polycule can soften this issue and ensure that you’re all on the same page.
4 Ways to Keep Up with Your Polycule
1. Use a Shared Calendar
Keep track of date nights, check-ins, and important life events with a joint calendar. My polycule uses Google for this purpose, but there are lots of different platforms. Granting everyone access to a shared schedule will not only cut down on the prevalence of conflicting plans, but it will also prevent many of the little miscommunications that are so common to poly life.
Set reminders on your phone using the calendar app and be sure to send a text out to the group when you need to make last minute changes.
2. Create Text/Message Chains
If you and your group aren’t big on scheduling, consider opting for a text or message chain instead. It’s a little less formal and offers a chance to connect on a more personal level. Send good morning and goodnight messages, congratulate each other on personal triumphs, or offer words of comfort when things don’t go as well.
You can use the message thread to alert your group of changes that need to be made to date night plans, but you want to do so in sensitive ways that allow for others to weigh in. Avoid blunt requests that don’t allow for discussion.
3. Do Regular Check-ins
Nothing beats conversation when it comes to keeping things organized in the polyverse. It might not be as tidy as a digital calendar, but it is efficient in that it gives everyone a chance to update each other in real time, with the option of airing emotional concerns as well.
Set up regular Zoom calls or get together at scheduled intervals to talk things out. Strive for a balanced approach, allowing everyone the opportunity to chime in versus handing over the conversational reins to one person.
4. Create a Facebook Group
If you’re a complex, sprawling polycule, you might opt for a wider reaching platform—like Facebook—to keep each other in the know. I personally have never met anyone in a such a massive relationship network, but anything is possible!
Create poly events and invite your partners to take part. Share links and funny memes, whatever your style dictates. If your community is large enough, you might wish to set some guidelines for posting, and even elect a moderator (although censoring each other is perhaps not the best idea.)
How do you and your polycule organize your lives and keep each other in the loop? Share your tips in a comment!