First Time Threesome? What Couples Should Know

Congratulations to those of you planning your first threesome! Here’s what you need to know about your first threesome!

If you and your partner have decided to open yourselves to the idea of a first-time threesome, or have been propositioned and accepted, you are on your way to wonderful sexy adventures.

As you probably know, threesomes are one of the most popular fantasies for all genders. Most of us fantasize about threesomes at least occasionally. After all, a threesome gives us the opportunity to experience sex with someone new.

Read: How to Find a Threesome

For those of us who are polyamorous, lucky enough to enjoy the variety and excitement and relationship connections with more than one partner, our first threesome affords us the chance to share our sexual adventure with one of our partners. It’s magic, sizzling stuff!

Your first-time threesome can be an amazing experience. It can also be awkward or disappointing. While threesomes in porn look like acrobatic excursions into paradise, in the movies they often look like dramatic emotional minefields. Most threesomes are neither.

With mature, consenting adults with open minds and realistic expectations of sex and others, they are fun and sexy. Your first threesome can show you new pleasure possibilities, and bring you and your partners closer together.

Read: How to Ask for a Threesome the Right Way

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What to Consider Before Your First Threesome

There are many considerations before your first threesome.

There are practical considerations, such as the location. You’ll want to communicate with everyone involved about where each person will feel the most comfortable and safest.

Threesome Boundaries

Consent is an obvious consideration, but beyond the “Yes, I’m in!” that you need to proceed, you’ll want to discuss boundaries and non-negotiables.

Every threesome, including your first threesome, is different and has its own rules. Just as in one-on-one sex, not everything goes, all the time.

Read: Threesome Rules for Couples

If you’re a couple, find out what you each want to do and what you don’t want to do. If you’re joining a couple for a threesome, be open about asking what the expectations are and whether or not you share them or agree.

For example, some women may not want full penetration. Some may want vaginal penetration, but not anal. Some women won’t want their partners to “do” to a new woman things he doesn’t do with her.

In MMF threesomes, some guys expect to be “hands off” each other and only fool around with the woman involved. That woman may be hoping to see you guys in action, rather than being the focus. Find out what your partners’ fantasies and desires are in advance and make sure everyone consents to what’s on the table.

MMF polyamory triad

Threesome Motivations

A really important consideration before your first threesome are your motivations and your partner’s motivations. It’s easy to brush such issues aside and address them after “going for it” while the chance is there. But if one of you is only “doing it for you,” there can be a lot of resentment later.

Read: How to Deal with Jealousy in a Threesome

Ironing things out in advance and being sensitive to each other’s needs and emotions can help prevent a lot of pain, and bring you closer together.

There’s nothing wrong with indulging a partner’s desires, including offering them a first threesome! But examining any trepidation there is being a good lover instead of a selfish one.

A couple I know went through this recently. He felt like she wasn’t really into it and was moody. But she was really into it—what she wasn’t into was doing it with his ex, because she and she had never gotten along. He had no idea, because guys can’t always read the signals between women. They talked it out, and she chose their partner. It was their first threesome, and now they have regular trysts.

Read: How to Find a Third for Your Threesome

Threesome Aftercare

Plan on a version of aftercare. A threesome can feel intense, and then there is the lull in body and mood afterwards. Plan on spending time together afterwards, relaxing or snuggling, and consider following up with the third the next day.

How to Prepare for Your First Threesome

If you’re hosting a threesome, make sure your space is comfortable and clean.

Have lots of clean towels and sheets on hand, a sexy playlist, some nice wines on hand, simple snacks like fresh fruit, that kind of thing. Be a thoughtful host—you don’t want to run out of toilet paper or have soiled sheets on the bed!

Have condoms and lube packets on hand.

Open the doors of communication with your partners—and keep them open.

Read: How to Prepare for a Threesome

Threesome of Two Women with Hands on Man's Knee

First-Time Threesome Tips for Couples

Before the Foreplay

Don’t just arrive and get naked. First threesomes can be awkward, so warm up by relaxing together. Dance, flirt, have some wine or make fruity refreshing beverages together.

Pre-Threesome Massage

It might sound like a corny softcore film, but “sensual massage” really is a good tactic for first-time threesomes.

Planning on starting out with massage can take some pressure off. It gets everyone touching, it signals that there is no rush, it allows everyone to get warmed up and comfortable and relaxed.

Take Your Time

Don’t rush anything. Make sure you have lots of time for your first threesome. Your first time in a threesome is not a good time for a quickie!

Have fun together. Enjoy conversation, laughter, touching, making out. Shower together.

Read: FFM Threesome Positions Women Love

Put Your Partners First

Your priority is your main partner if you are a couple. Your second priority is your new partner. If you genuinely put your lovers first, think of their comfort and pleasure, you will have a great first threesome.

Read: How to Have a Successful Threesome

Have you already had a threesome? Please share your experience.

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