Tips & Advice

Tips for Hosting a Threesome

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It’s a recurring theme: preparation, preparation, preparation. The last thing you want to be doing is running errands when you should be makin’ sweet love to two people at once.

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Tips for Hosting a Threesome at Your Place

Prepare your play space. This isn’t so much about housework (in fact, too tidy of a space can be intimidating) as it is setting the stage. Where will you play? Where is off-limits? Will you need to lay a mattress on the living room floor? What about plastic undersheets? These are not sexy chores—get them out of the way beforehand.

Clean sheets. You don’t have to use your best sheets, just make sure they’re clean. Exhausted sheets are not only gross, they suggest you’re unsanitary, and who wants to consider that.

Ready the bathroom. A hairy sink and spotty toilet are an unpalatable discovery for a new guest to make. Scrub. And make sure no one has to ask for more toilet paper. Be fully stocked—sex gets messy.

Cue the porn. Background porn is popular. Choose it ahead of time and have it playing when your partners arrive. Surfing the net during playtime is a buzz killing break-stomper.

Select your music carefully. Should you opt for sexy music instead of porn, avoid anything currently topping the charts (or too familiar). Seconds from orgasm you don’t want to be calling anyone “maybe.” My personal fave is Velvet Underground: sexy without the jingle. Like porn, choose beforehand.

Allow your guests to acclimate. It’s likely you’ll have partners seeing your  space for the first time. Let them get used to where they are before diving in. The lights can be dim, the geography up for discovery. Give them a quick tour, pointing out the play areas, the bathroom, the kitchen, etc.

Keep water at hand. “Can I get a glass of water?” is harmless enough, but you gotta get up, grab a glass, fill it—all in another room. Keep the water within reach in the play area.

Biggie-size the condom box. Don’t leave safe sex to others. Have your party pack ready to go. It sends a message.

Post-party food. Doesn’t sex make you hungry? Multiply that hunger by three. Keep snacks—as far as I’m concerned, lox’n’capers and ice cream—on hand for a post-3sum pigout. I’ve found bacon is also popular after the deed. Sure you can order in, but that whole process is filled with interruption. Prepare your food as you would your porn.

The quality (or not) of your hosting will be as memorable as what you get up to between the sheets, I promise you!

Go Team Go!

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