How to Find a Threesome

Couples who want to find a threesome may discover that meeting a third is complicated.

While just about everyone fantasizes about threesome sex—one of the most popular, and common fantasies for all genders and all sexual orientations—the logistics can get tricky.

To find a threesome, a couple has to find a willing third, someone who just happens to be bisexual or bi-curious and looking for no-strings-attached threeway sex. To find a threesome, said person also needs to be attracted to you, your wife, or to both of you. They don’t call this creature the “unicorn” without reason!

Finding a threesome starts with your decision as a couple to have one.

Read: How to Ask for a Threesome the Right Way

This is an exciting step in your relationship and the anticipation means steamy nights head. But how to find a third?

8 Ways to Find a Threesome

If you’re looking to find your first threesome or find a threesome for the umpteenth time, connecting the dots is the hard part. But see it as an exciting part of the journey and the experience together, and enjoy the process of meeting and chatting with potential thirds. Be patient—ecstasy awaits!

1. Put your intentions out to the universe.

Wishing out loud for a unicorn isn’t about a leprechaun appearing to grant you a pot of gold. It’s about making your intention known, or being open to possibilities. If other people know you are open to threesomes, they’ll think of you when the topic comes up. If they think you are against the idea, they will politely refrain from mentioning it.

We get that you can’t be in a boardroom meeting about inflation solutions wearing a dayglo orange “Find Us a Unicorn” T-shirt. Nor do you want to be at a holiday dinner and announce, “Mom, Dad, we’re looking for a threesome.”

But being as open as possible when appropriate opens doors. If no one knows you are polyamorous or no one knows you are kinky, chances of connecting to like minded people is slim.

Read: How To Find a Unicorn for a Couple

2. Join threesome dating sites.

If you’re hoping for three tickets to paradise, your very best bet is to get online and make your intentions known. Let other people looking for dating and sex know that you are a couple who wants to find a threesome.

Niche dating websites can work wonders if you tailor your profile and express your intentions. But the best online dating option is a threesome dating site. It stands to reason that the other people there are also hoping to find a threesome, so get chatting!

Read: Best Threesome Dating Sites for Couples

3. Think about potential threesome partners in your circle.

Mine the social connections you already have that could potentially mean finding a threesome.

Think about who you know. Are there polyamorous people who volunteer with you at the food bank? Are the Joneses known to go on swinger cruises? Is the cute new barista with all the tattoos fairly candid about her liberated sexual adventures?

None of this guarantees you’ll find a threesome. But people that you know may be open to threesomes are far more likely to be looking for a threesome than people who never have them. Just saying.

4. Don’t rule anyone out.

On the other hand, we know very little about other people’s private lives. Some people are discreet, or prefer to lay low. They aren’t necessarily keeping anything secret—we all have different personalities.

Your pastor might be into all kinds of fetishes, and your shy secretary may have just had the threesome you are hoping to find.

5. Consider past partners, or other current lovers.

If you’re polyamorous, you might find a threesome with one of your or your partner’s lovers. Who has already expressed threesome fantasies, or interest in your partner? Who do you love and trust to ask?

Maybe your wife’s ex is a trusted friend with a vivid imagination. Maybe your ex-wife is feeling adventurous.

Networks of lovers are a natural place to find a threesome. Some poly couples have boundaries or no-go zones about sleeping with a metamour, or a no-ex policy, or other protective boundaries to prevent emotional complications.

But not all past or present lovers are potential minefields—some are potential gold mines!

6. Mix and mingle.

Get out more, and go to parties, clubs, meetups and events with people who are interested in exploring their sexuality.

Read: How to Find Group Sex Parties and Events

7. Be open to a man for your third.

Most male-female couples looking to find a threesome are looking for a bisexual woman. The MFF is wildly popular for men and women. But what would you do if a hot woman approached you and said she was dying to be sandwiched between you and her hubby?

Many women love loving other women and also are excited by the idea of your excitement making love to another woman. But you can amp up the chances of finding a threesome by being open to her fantasy of getting fucked by two dudes.

Read: 5 Reasons to Try an MMF Threesome

8. Practice your threesome proposition.

It doesn’t hurt to ask. You can express interest to anyone who you both find attractive or interesting, just as anyone can approach someone in hope of a one-on-one date. But you don’t want to come across as creepy, desperate, sleazy, or inappropriate.

Practice in advance what you will say and how you will say it if you see someone you’re both hoping to see more of. Decide who will make the approach and exactly what will be said.

In my personal opinion, the best approach is direct, candid, and respectful. Don’t talk in circles and hope you’ll find a threesome by someone reading your mind. Try something like, “Hi. My husband and I both find you attractive. I’m wondering if you’d like to join us for a drink?”

Read: How to Pick Up a Third for Your Threesome

Do you have experience finding threesomes? Please share!