Polyamory Advice

How to Meet Poly BBW Partners

Plus-Size Beauty

Dear Jamie,

You’re not my type—no offense. I enjoy reading your posts and your sense of humor. But I like thick women. REALLY thick.

Both of my lovers right now are “normal” sized, one is my wife of ten years. I love them and love women of all shapes and sizes, but I’ve always had a “thing” for plus-sized queens. My first girlfriend was “larger than life,” and she was spectacular. My friends teased me, but I didn’t care.

That was a long time ago, and I have occasionally since dated chubby women and am really turned on. I realized that unconsciously I actually avoid dating large women as often as I want to, or am not especially seeking them out. Part of it is that I understand no one wants to be a fetish, but I think part of it is because I don’t want to “explain” myself to my wife and metamours and friends. My wife is a doctor and has some disdain for the concept of a “little meat on her bones.”

I saw a recent swimsuit issue featuring queen-sized models and just about came on the spot. You see a few chubby celebrities now on the red carpet, but even with the body positivity stuff, it’s still not really considered beauty by many. I decided to have more courage—both to date who I want and to stand up for my tastes.

How do I meet Big Beautiful Women? Is there any special etiquette? How do I express my appreciation and lust without coming off kinky? How do I let my partners and friends know I love big girls? Is there anything else I need to know?  – Jack

Poly BBW Dating Advice

Wow, Jack, thank you for sharing. There’s a lot here to unpack!

Let me start with kudos for your resolve to treat all women as people, and to see their beauty. Recognizing that the opinion of others has been unfair and has actually been holding you back, and choosing to change that is courageous.

You don’t have to dismiss your wife’s ideas about health to expand your own, or understand that things aren’t as cut and dried as they seem. The truth is that we spend billions on diets and health books and gyms, and still very few people manage to lose weight, and of those who do, only a tiny fraction keep it off. I’m all for health, but the truth is some people can eat fast food and drink beer all day and never gain weight, and some seem to gain easily with nothing but fish and celery.

BBW admirers are nothing new. Standards of beauty vary considerably through different eras and cultures, but even when societies value skinny as status or beauty (and not all societies do) there are outliers who find something else attractive.

BBW Fetish

I think the best way to avoid treating large women as fetish objects is to treat them all as whole people, not just body parts with the kind of jiggle you like best.

There’s nothing wrong with having preferences—we all have them. Some of us like huge tits, some prefer pert teacups. Lots like all of the above. Some have a thing for redheads but are married to a brunette. Some prefer fat guys. Some find Latina women super attractive.

There’s nothing wrong with letting your type know it! What you don’t want to do is treat them like objects, where that trait is the only thing matters, because it isn’t.

Read: How to Introduce Your Fetish to a Lover

How to Meet a Poly BBW

You can meet a BBW in all the same places you meet other women. But since you are polyamorous, and sound as though you are involved in the community, why not start there?

Let your trusted confidantes, lovers, and metamours know you are currently dreaming of bigger beauties and a poly BBW. Get more confidence talking to the women who attract you most by doing it more often.

Deflect any ribbing that comes your way, but don’t go overboard. You don’t have to explain yourself, and unless someone is an outright prick, don’t make too much of their awkward comments—just say something along the lines of “Actually, Marjorie is a wonderful woman, and I find her very attractive.” You don’t have to say much else.

This is not the worst way to “come out” to your partners either. I’m not sure that you really need to sit down as if it’s a problem and say, “Honey, we need to talk. I really love fat women.”

Assuming you have a strong relationship with your wife and lover, and weather various disagreements, surely your tastes have differed before? If your wife wonders whether you are attracted to HER with your newfound buxom babes, assuming you are, assure her as you told me that you love many kinds of women and have always had a thing for chubby girls too.

BBW and Polyamory Dating Sites

You can also meet BBWs online. There are lots of dating sites specific to BBW fetish, but make sure you point out that you are poly and married if it’s a more conservative site.

You can put up a profile on poly sites, too, and mention that you are looking for chubby playmates.

Read: Polyamory Dating Sites That Work

Good luck, and let us know how things go! I also love chubby women. I wouldn’t say I have a fetish, but I definitely am attracted to voluptuous and glamourous girls. I’m dating a queen-sized burlesque performer right now—can’t get enough of the fishnets, Victorian lingerie and cute 50s dresses. I barely manage lip gloss most of the time! I’m also petite and sporty. What can I say? Sometimes opposites attract.

Read: Loving All the Bodies in Polyamory

Do you date poly big beautiful women? What attracts you the most?

Tell us what you think!

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