When’s the last time one of your girlfriends said, “Does this dress make my butt look fat?” I know, I know, not that long ago, right?
Guys worry about their bodies too, even polyamorous guys like you who have a great sex with multiple women. Here’s how to stop worrying and live your best life.
Come to terms with reality.
Anxiety magnifies something by making it loop through the brain at a high-paced pitch, on repeat.
The first step to finding the ease that some dudes have about their average, imperfect and perfectly normal physical selves is to come to terms with the reality.
Don’t blow it up, don’t gloss over it—take stock of what’s really there. Think about what’s realistic and what’s human.
You might want a foot-long dick, but not having it doesn’t make you small. No one has that. You might want more or less body hair, but assessing realistically, you know that the human male range varies.
Look around you.
Take a few days and be really mindful of the men around you. Look at them carefully, at the supermarket, on the subway, at the gym.
I tell ladies this all the time, when they get upset about their looks. To feel better about the looks lottery, stop looking at Angelina Jolie and LOOK AROUND. You will immediately see that you are pretty good looking. Humans can look pretty funny.
The look-around game isn’t about gloating over your share of the hot gene pool. It’s about understanding unrealistic expectations. It’s about accepting that humans don’t look like perfume ad models. Even great beauties, women or men, have to wrestle with fleeting youth, zits, and gravity.
Stop worrying about things you can’t control, and take care of the obvious.
A lot of guys stress about going bald, about body fat or body hair, about dick size, about being too pale or too swarthy, about wrinkles, freckles, whatever.
And yet often the real worries are things you can and should do but don’t!
For example, take care of your damn feet. Deal with your disgusting toenails and foot odor. How many dudes don’t set foot in a pedicure salon because they’re “for women”? Seriously, fixing up your feet puts you way ahead of the game as far as chicks are concerned. Don’t even think about leaving your socks on during sex or thinking we don’t notice or care.
Flossing is another simple and effective and important thing. Brushing alone is not enough. How bald you are doesn’t change my attraction to you. But the unmistakable stink of the unflossed mouth turns my stomach, even if your body is perfect.
Ramp up—or ramp down—your health and beauty routines to make them part of a balanced lifestyle.
Don’t lay around watching Netflix crime dramas when you could use a few sessions at the gym. And quit smoking, please.
But don’t be the guy who can’t enjoy a break either. No woman wants to hear “I can’t make it to the orgy because I have core sets.”
You can skip the soda and grease and chop fresh salads and make chowder, and impress your date with your commitment to clean eating. But if you’re obsessive about it every time, and bring algae and supplements to the late-night hookup instead of sharing a gooey triangle of za with her, she will conclude, correctly, that you aren’t comfortable being human.
See? With a bit of a check in with reality, an attitude assessment, and a few proactive moves, you can feel great and your partners will benefit too!