I recently had a little tryst with an old flame who was in town, and we ran into some co-workers at the restaurant.
I was still reeling from the half dozen orgasms I’d had over the weekend when one of the cattier shrews from the office said, “I hear you had some BIG plans on Friday night.” The double entendre was that my lover was fat. What is this, I thought, grade one?
Jake has more lovers than he knows what to do with, because he’s funny and generous and we are eager to be around him. If you’re a big boy, you might be wondering whether women have an equivalent to BBW. Is Big Beautiful Men a thing? Lots of women,myself included, love something snuggly in the sack.
Know that women have size preferences.
Not all women find large men attractive, and not all women look past a guy’s physical appearance. Deal with it.
Some women, by the way, are exclusively attracted to big beautiful men.
Stop blaming your weight for your shortcomings.
If you aren’t getting the sex you want or meeting the right women, it’s easy to feel sorry for yourself and blame your weight.
But millions of people with various bodies manage to have hot sex and love lives. Maybe no one wants to hear you whining about your waistline, or maybe you just need a bit of dating confidence.
No one wants to date someone who slums around a basement in loose, stained underwear all day eating pretzels and masturbating. A healthy lifestyle and healthy outlook is sexy. Take pride in your hygiene and presentation, be active and engaged, and feed yourself properly.
Women who see that you value yourself, whatever your size, will be attracted. If you treat yourself as if you matter, women get the message that you do.
Don’t pretend it’s not there.
Don’t act as if you’ve never noticed you weigh 320 pounds. You don’t want to literally be the elephant in the room. It’s okay to discuss the obvious when context calls for it. Acknowledging reality rather than avoiding it is the key. “I’m voting for the veggie tray for my birthday party rather than the ice cream cake. I want to keep on track with healthy eating.”
You might need to talk frankly about your fat before, during, or after sex. There are some positions that aren’t possible for you. Don’t embarrass or hurt yourself, or her. Be candid about how things are.
Recognize that lots of people are fat.
More than half the people in America are overweight. This is not good, but clearly the problem is common and you are not alone.
Have fun while you’re fat.
So, about Jake… I love climbing on top of him and writhing away the night. I love how he feels curled around me like a bear—it’s exciting to be enveloped like that. I like laughing during lovemaking because there’s nothing worse than the guy who is a perfect physical specimen and all he does is look in the mirror at HIMSELF while we do it.
By the way, if you’re in the poly community, you must have noticed that there are men and women of all body types, ages, subcultures and kinks, cultures and backgrounds—we have true diversity. If you haven’t noticed, stop obsessing about your issues and open your eyes.