In hindsight it seems no surprise I ended up in the poly camp. When I recall my ol’ days, of monogamy, the pages are filled with frustration and disappointment.
Don’t get me wrong: I’d had some wicked sex and been in love with some awesome women, some of whom I’m still close to.
But here’s how I remember it. There were always two significant arguments bouncing about:
1) Can we really only have one true love?
2) Is it possible to have sex outside the relationship without it destroying the relationship in the process?
To the first question, I could never understand why it had to be. Being in love is one of the greatest feelings – why limit love? As for the second question, I think the answer is no – but poly sex is hardly outside the relationship. So, yes.
And I remember never fully feeling sexually at ease. I felt, for some reason, that I had to hold myself back within a “respectful” norm of desire, if that makes any sense. I kept most of my fantasies, and ideas for sexual things I wanted to try, in check. (The only good thing was that by the time I became a full-fledged poly – phew! – did I make up for lost time!)
By the time my career in monogamy was coming to an end, dating was getting to be a bummer. I’d hook up with amazing gals, but I came to anticipate inevitable endings, sometime before the first date was even through. I backed off from having sex and soon from dating altogether for a while. I thought, with the biggest of sighs, why bother?
I didn’t start checking out poly sites; it didn’t even occur to me at the time. What happened was I met a poly woman, quite by accident, through the friend of a friend of a friend. Before I even knew she was poly, I was so impressed by her confidence, her sexuality, her comfort with new people – who was this girl?!?!
This girl introduced me to Polyworld. Never before had I met so many loving people, who managed to maintain the best sex – with multiple partners, sans jealousy or destruction – all in one community.
I signed on the dotted line, and to this day, I’m still a proud card-carrying member.
Let love rule!