Poly Relationships

Polyamory: Sex Drive and Stamina

Sexy Couple in Underwear

No-Low Libido

Believe it or not, I don’t just sit here and blog because I want attention. As a multi-slasher (Poly/Horndog/Chatterbox/Professional Writer) my bosses count on me to bring my personal experience and perspective to topics as assigned. This assignment was an odd one because my perspective is that I have no experience with it.

I was asked to write about “how to get my lady in the mood when her libido is low”. Once again, for context, I’m the secondary partner in a successful poly relationship. We’re friends with plenty of other poly couples, for play and hang-time, and let me swear on the record that not once have these women ever suffered a low libido. For reals.

There’s a chicken/egg thing going on:

are highly-sexed women drawn to a polyamorous lifestyle, or does the sexual freedom a polyamorous lifestyle offers make women more highly-sexed?

Who cares. As far as I’m concerned, it’s just one more reason why polys are so happy.

Let me assure you this isn’t a skewed male fantasy, or “just another expectation men have of women” (a feminist friend once suggested so). The guys in this story are physically incapable of keeping up. This is something we’ve discussed amongst ourselves, to great laughter. Ladies, we can’t always manage Round 2 immediately!

And while I’m at it, the intensity unleashed by sexual freedom does more than keep libidinous engines running: These polygirls can cum on a hair-trigger, endlessly; squirt, endlessly; do anything that requires sex-drive and stamina, endlessly.

(Don’t get me wrong – if she has the barfs, of course all bets are off. Although, even then…)

I’ve hijacked this post – which should have been a “Handy Tips to Get Her in the Mood” chart – and instead I once more make the pitch that the glories of a sexually-open, deeply loving relationship with more than one partner is a solid path to happiness. Because when I think about it, I have had experience with women whose libidos would take a nosedive. Each of those cases occurred when I was living in monogamous relationships. Go figure.

Otherwise, if she hasn’t already tried one, butt-plugs can spice things up.

Let Love Rule!

What cures can you offer up for low-level libidos?

Tell us what you think! 8 Comments

  1. Amanda

    April 2, 2013 at 3:24 pm

    Never experienced this problem in your relationships? Way to rub it in our faces Perry!! jk 😉

  2. John

    April 6, 2013 at 8:57 pm

    I personally have a partner that has suffered a low libido , and I’ve tried many a thing to get her in the mood , spontaneous acts of intimacy , little remarks on how sexy she looks and so on , but I’ve found the biggest killer of her libido was day to day running of the house , work and so on …so in the end I made sure every day I told her I loved her , thanked her for the meals she cooked, commented on her hair, randomly told her I think she is an awesome woman, bought her flowers and kissed her every morning while she slept before I webt to work (4am). Since this, the sex is great and she has never said no, not once and not to mention she has been more experimental and tried different toys and positions. Not every woman is the same and they are complex creatures, but I feel a woman just needs to hear and feel she is more than a piece of meat.

    • Holly


      April 7, 2013 at 10:50 am

      Hi John. I agree, women are complex creatures, but sometimes the solution to a low libido isn’t. At the end of my marriage, my libido was almost non-existent; but I think if my ex had been more appreciative and shown some of the gestures you mention, things may have turned out differently. Thanks for sharing your story.

      • John

        April 7, 2013 at 2:38 pm

        Hi Holly
        I’m sorry to hear that your marriage ended the way it did , and thank you for your compliment. Unfortunately in today’s society both men and woman tend to drift into a rut and it takes a strong person to pull back out of it. We take our wives for granted in some cases and visa versa, but we soon forget the little things that bought us together in the first place. In my own opinion I believe this is what has made both men and woman end up with either a broken relationship or looking for a partner on the side. It’s the excitement of someone else saying something nice about the way you look or what you do. Filling the empty gap that would otherwise be filled by your loved one; but as we drift further apart in our relationships, the other person becomes more appealing and we end up sleeping with them over our own partner. We feel that during daylight hours it’s all ok; but as the sun sets so does the mood, and we are back to a routine of looking for excitement.

        People get so lost in work and running a house and making sure the kids are looked after and so on, they feel there is no room left or energy for their partner. So the partner feels unwanted and lonely that’s not to say they don’t love them. I think this is why polyamory sex works for various people. You get a family life, with bills paid, washing done, and security to some degree. Then on the other hand, you get those feelings of being wanted, the excitement, and of course the sex you don’t get at home. But not the hassle of a family life, and out of it all that person feels complete. But when they form a relationship with the person they were sleeping with that’s when it all goes horrible when it doesn’t need to. Holly, there is never a need to feel that what happened was at all your fault (I’m not assuming that it was, as I dont know you.) People need to stop and look at their partner and realize how lucky they are before they make a mistake that can cost them their family and all they know for the sake of a bit of intimacy that they shouldn’t have to look for 🙂

  3. LindaNChris

    April 12, 2013 at 11:22 am

    I am not going to be one to say be Mr. Suck Up, and try to turn her on by telling her how much you love her because that, in my opinion, just doesn’t work.

    Couple Book Recommended
    Men are from Mars Women are from Venus: very superficial but has some basic principles. Find out what she likes e.g. cats, dogs, puppies etc. Go and buy her cute small stuff or a plastic toy. Get it while you’re doing something that woman don’t usually do, like while you’re shopping for tools or something, this suggests you think about her when she’s not around. Another thing is to go through some trouble getting it by making a special trip to the calendar store for a cute but cheap puppy calendar or bookmark. Your efforts will be the gift, but don’t make a deal out of the gift and not for a specific occasion. Do this several times.

    Next get some performance meds (the V or alike) and empty capsules from the drug store. Cut them up and make about 4 equal piles. Put each pile in an empty capsule and add icing sugar as a filler. This is of course for guys that don’t usually need help but as a recreational boost. Oh and don’t be an idiot and tell her everything. While sitting alone just looking at a magazine or something just tell her that for some reason you have a real woody. Get her to touch it once then sit back and wait. The rest… you know how this ends.

  4. Ian

    September 17, 2013 at 8:24 am

    Libido… variety is the spice of life… so the saying goes… so spice up your sex life by not being “repetitive”… just because it worked okay last time…(or so you think), she is hardly gonna say, “That was boring sex”, because she is concerned about hurting your feelings or deflating your ego, “Tiger”… make life different and exciting… not ashamed to say that I once had sex with a girl in the changing cubicle at “Top-Shop”… the time was right and we were both horny…

  5. Big Al

    January 10, 2015 at 7:35 pm

    Lady’s choice, but take the lead at least once. I have been seduced and it was surprising. Inviting me to sit on the love-seat and kissed me with open lips. We made out for ten or more minutes then I crossed her knee to get centered, rubbing to let her know I had a real boner. I found later that had a low-cut bra that made lifting easy and WOW! Nice 38 D. This would lead to a couple months of enjoyable love making. I would not take the lead so she let me what was available. So, Ladies, if you need; take the lead. MMMMMMMMMMMM

    • Lola Page

      Lola Page

      January 11, 2015 at 10:36 pm

      Thanks for sharing Al!

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