Poly pregnancy: Where does a third fit in?
As the secondary partner within a poly relationship – one with a baby on the way (gasp!) – I figured I better get my ass in gear and start investigating the “rules” of parenting within a poly relationship. I mean, surely something would be expected of me, no?
Turns out, in the same way that sexual identity “labels” continue to become fuzzier and fuzzier at best (and that is best, cuz labels suck monkeyballs), there don’t seem to be any “rules” for poly parenting. Hardly a surprise; but that doesn’t make it any easier to understand, does it.
I’ve asked around, and the poly parent couples I know have chiseled it down to one issue: Will the secondary partners have a parenting role? The answer is consistently no. There’s nothing communal about raising a child. The “Baby Belongs to Everyone” model has gone the way of The Summer of Love (minus all the shagging, of course – still plenty of that to go around, thank goodness).
So what makes these poly parents any different from traditional parents? Here’s an answer I kept getting: The extended/multiple relationships make finding a babysitter much, much easier! Haha! Love it! Of course when Baby is old enough to wonder/ask why Babysitter sometimes sleeps in the same bed as Mommy and/or Daddy, there’ll be a whole different set of matters of enlightenment to address, but that’s another post, all in due course. And I have not a doubt in my mind that addressing it will be easy.
But the bare truth of the matter is so simple:
Although couples in both traditional and poly partnerships face the common predicament of Mom needing weeks (and weeks!) to get her sex-gears back in working order after the birth of a baby, no one gets into a poly relationship to sit around and wait not have sex. Oh, sure, after Baby is first born the poly parents, too, may experience an initial too-busy-to-cum phase; but soon enough, it’s back to the grind, if you know what I mean. And why not, if all the chores are done?
(I’m not just referring to impatient and weak-of-the-flesh men, either! This also applies to the F/F poly parents I know. Hey, women need to get their yayas out, too, right?)
So once again, polys just keep getting lucky. It’s win/win/win/win/(fill in your blank). This should come as no surprise from a subset that openly rejoices in their sexuality, and stops at nothing to be honestly and happily fulfilled.
Basically, I’ll keep getting laid, is the main point.
Let Love Rule!
Do you have any experience as a third with pregnant poly primaries?