We all want to be in and sustain healthy relationships. And most of us know what constitutes a satisfying union, but it never hurts to be reminded. Here are some refresher tips to keep you on track with your poly partners.
1. Stop Defining. Poly relationships are a lot more complicated than monogamous ones, and there isn’t a true template to follow. Trying to make rules and definitions will only constrain those involved. Let you and your partner(s) happiness or lack there of be a guide.
2. Check your ego. The more people involved in a poly relationship, the more you have to get outside yourself and see that not everything is about you. This should already be the case, if you are a poly person.
3. Listen. This applies to all relationships in our lives. It’s easy to make assumptions about what someone is feeling or saying by interpreting their actions. Words trump mind-reading. Actively listening encourages others to express themselves more, a habit worth promoting.
4. Lighten up. I’ve met people that take polyamory way too seriously, like it’s an institution above all other types of relationships. This attitude seems detrimental to polys because for others to respect and learn what poly really is there needs to be an egalitarian viewpoint expressed from those involved.
6. Be vulnerable. Not easy, if you’ve been hurt a lot in previous relationships. You can’t experience love if you’re not willing to open yourself up and take that risk of being hurt. Don’t forget, that’s what your potential mate is doing too.
7. Be open to a different path. Some of us use templates from past successful relationships when we are getting into a new one. You’re not the same person you were and your new interest is a unique individual, so why not revel in not knowing exactly how things are going to go or end up. Enjoy each moment.
8. Respect differences. Because there are more of you in a poly relationship, flexibility and compromise are absolutely necessary. See it as a way to learn more deeply about those you are involved with. This can only strengthen your bonds.
What are your tips for a successful healthy poly relationship?