Are you thinking being a threesome unicorn to a primary couple?
Caveats, warnings, yellow lights—I do not advise this higher level sexual activity, unless you are emotionally prepared to deal with a variety of consequences, primarily the CONCRETE REALITY of the intended experience in which the person joining the couple does NOT see them again!
The textbook definition of a “primary couple” is one that does not necessarily play around a whole lot. I do not want to guide people in How to Build a Throuple or anything of the sort. I will tacitly acknowledge that sometimes this playful carnal continuance does happen, but I am not trying to teach you How to Be Their Unicorn for the long term.
My tips are for a one-time threesome fantasy come true, which is how it happens sometimes in life. A truly mature and honorable person will give their ALL in a sexual experience they know might never happen again, and cherish every breath and touch shared!
How to Be the Best Unicorn You Can Be
Here are my top tips for unicorns joining a primary couple for a one-off threesome.
Still haven’t found a couple looking for a unicorn? Check out our favorite Couples Dating Sites to find online communities where you’ll be in high demand.
1. Ask what their boundaries are.
You have to talk about boundaries, and you have to do this right away. There can be no “Oops, I didn’t know that I wasn’t supposed to have anal sex with your girlfriend!”
When you join a couple for a threesome, discuss what is okay and what is out of bounds. Know that you do NOT have ANY veto power about this rule, and you must accept this at ALL times. Anything less would be uncivilized, and actually creepy.
Don’t push for extra fixings that are not on the menu—know what I’m saying? Some threesomes are 100% no kissing, no anal, no impact play, no weird kinks, and to cross these boundaries or whatever they may be is to END things forever and never get invited back.
Be the third who plays within the boundaries of the sex sandbox, and have fun!
2. Be pro-active about responsibility and protection.
There’s a 99.999999% chance that this lucky occasion will not be a fluid-bonded situation, and that’s how it should be approached. Don’t try to get anyone pregnant or mess things up for future fun. People make their own choices about their body, and I know and respect and understand all that—but still, ASSUME you are going to have to wear condoms or use protection in this situation, and bring it up before anyone has to ask you.
Read: Healthy Safe-Sex Tips for Polyamory Partners
Getting tested before your threesome is always a good idea that can’t hurt. But just in case someone else is not totally safe for some reason, if you wear a condom, you will be safe(r) than usual.
I’ve been in a foursome where I was wearing protection, and the person who wasn’t ended up getting chlamydia. I got tested and never had it. Miracles do happen, especially to those who are proactive about safety!
3. Practice discretion of the highest order.
Sex is perhaps the biggest area in life where people say one thing and do another, and it’s just foul.
Sexual discretion is a must, especially for the unicorn in a threesome. Running your mouth about this special and sacred experience could potentially muck up the primary partners’ relationship reputation. Maybe it’s private (it probably is) and even if it’s not, do not be the person risking and gambling the public perception of these people, just because you want to look and sound super cool.
Keep it quiet, don’t break boundaries, don’t brag, don’t spread pics online—stuff like that.
4. DO NOT initiate a separate sexual encounter after.
Do not try to do the worst thing in the world after doing one of the best things in the world. No matter how awesome it was being a unicorn, even if you fell in love with the whole damn dream, just don’t try to break them apart or trespass where you are no longer invited sexually.
Some things in life are meant to only happen ONCE, and that’s it. The mature person can accept this and not try to change the universe in greedy ways, force the impossible, and cause unnecessary damage. So, the last thing I will say is Do NOT try to hook up with the woman in a primary couple after your threesome! Go find some swingers!
So yeah, if you can follow these tips, you will be a bedroom champion with some very rare medals around your neck. Be proud, my friend. You’re in the rarest of air. It’s nice up here, isn’t it?
Ready to be the best unicorn you can be? Learn more with 9 Tips for a Successful Threesome.
Yesssss,
Addi “Malcolm Lovejoy” Stewart
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