Tips & Advice

How to Reconnect: 4 Social Skills

Couple Dancing in Club

It’s been a long time since we got to REALLY do what we normally do, and you know why. It’s been so hard to deal with, to survive, adjust to, and we are not trying to talk about it much here. But NOW, in some places, things are slowly changing and somewhat normalizing again. We are finding our way back to going out in the world to meet new people in social environments, to socially reconnect.

The point of the matter is, we are being allowed to GATHER once again, and that’s something that has been taken away for longer than ever conceived. The basics have to be relearned. Think of it as social rehab. So many of our social muscles have atrophied, our erotic reflexes are dull, and so much of our natural instinct has been disrupted.

Like bears coming out of an extra-long hibernation, we’ve had to reconnect to our desires anew in this altered environment, as we explore and establish our new comfort zones. Or we haven’t! Some of us have opted out of the human engagement, at least for the time being, and that’s all good too.

For the rest of us who are feeling our way back to person-to-person contact, here’s a list of some of the social skills you will no doubt have to brush up on.

4 Social Skills to Help You Reconnect

1. Introduce Yourself

I went to a gathering last week and was so damn rusty that I had to laugh at myself. There was about twenty people there, and I knew five of them from before. The rest? I struggled to remember the flow of just being direct and saying, “Hi, how are you?” or “What’s your name?” after not connecting socially for so very long.

Nobody wants to automatically just talk about you know what and our experiences (as so much is deeply personal), so I tried to introduce myself with something else that I learned how to do during the last year and a half which was different than my usual introductory greeting. Prepare to select old and new pieces of yourself to bring out in your upcoming introductions.

Read: How to Find Poly Partners & Relationships

2. Make Small Talk

Not everyone wants to talk about what just happened and still is, the same way people don’t want to talk about politics and religion. So the small talk that we must find to share with those we introduce ourselves to must have fresh new angles. Not to say that we can’t use IT to touch on a shared global experience, but not everything has to revolve around IT.

When making connections have to practice talking about a variety of things happening around us and around the world, not just the most obvious subjects. Not that it’s news to most people, but global warming is a serious crisis. Did you know there is a city in Pakistan where the temperature occasionally gets higher than 135 degrees Fahrenheit aka higher than the human body can withstand? It’s real! Use that for a piece of small talk next time you meet someone! Or share a positive piece of news—we could all use some of that!

Read: 10 Polyamory Conversation Starters

3. Ask for Contacts

So you’ve introduced yourself and remembered how to reconnect, to have a conversation with a human being in a public setting, without being too depressing or repetitive or self-destructive—congratulations! You are starting to float in the ocean of human connection once again, and you are going to survive! But if you get separated from this new person, you’ll want to know their name and number if you really want the connection to continue!

So you have to dive deeper, and ask for contacts. The most obvious thing these days is to ask for social media handles, but that is the lowest level of communication commitment to me—too easy to ghost someone from there. A real phone number is my preference, although I have had relationships grow from pure social media connection. If they’re not comfortable sharing their phone number, that’s cool, but you can always ask.

4. Make Contact

This is where I flubbed up at the party and forgot how to reconnect. It was a sexy party, and I had been sexually intimate with more than one person at this party in the past. But did I remember how to approach and ask if they wanted to continue the fun from previous playtimes? I did not! I was so out of practice and off my normal energy flow that I couldn’t reconnect with people whose contacts I already had!

I did meet someone who I ended up having a little cuddle session with, which is fine and notable in this post-skin-hunger climate, but asking for contact that is sexually intimate is something that takes focus, presence, confidence, clarity, integrity, honesty, and chemistry—difficult skills to keep sharp when you haven’t been close to humanity in ages.

Read: How to Keep a Connection Strong When You Can’t Be Together

This is like getting back on a bike after not riding it for a year and a half. All our instincts and gauges are off right now, but the memory is there. With a little patience and perseverance, social reconnection will manifest! Keep the faith, and remember the importance of connection, not only to yourself, but new people too!

Have you been reconnecting with friends and lovers, making new connections? Please share!

xo,
Addi “Malcolm Lovejoy” Stewart

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