Poly Relationships

How to Keep a Connection Strong (when You Can’t Be Together)

Woman Texting in Bed

There are so many challenges right now when it comes to staying connected. Things were so much easier back in high school. Not that it was all shits and giggles like in elementary, but in high school relationships were generally more straightforward and simple. Our brains weren’t complicated or post-emotional enough to be burdened with the scars and struggles of adulthood.

That being said, we still have to use the best of the rules and regulations of our high school dating days and innocence to perform the magic needed to keep our relationships together that challenge and stress us, disconnect and mess with us.

There are a number of situations these days that keep us apart, and whether it’s society or work mandated, there are still ways and means of warming the fiery coals of our polyamorous relationships.

How to Keep Your Connections Strong

Focus on specific needs, as much as circumstances allow.

Do they want phone calls the most? Call them once a day. Do they want texts when they wake up or throughout their day? Then you know you gotta send those mid-morning and afternoon, and late-night texts.

Does your partner crave walks in the park or dinners over Zoom to prevent feelings of doubt or anxiety? Then bundle up for chilly weather, or light some candles and get cooking. Be flexible to how your partner prefers to connect, and don’t be shy about sharing your preferences.

Communicate your feelings, and check in about their day to day activities.

When you see someone regularly, that in itself is a way of showing someone they are worth it, that you care enough about them that you want to spend your time with them. But when that’s not possible, it’s more important than ever to express in words how you feel. Don’t be afraid to get mushy through texts, or lovey dovey over Zoom.

Also, listening to the minutia of a partner’s day-to-day activities is vital, especially for those living alone or isolated in another capacity. We all need witnesses to our lives when close contact is impossible.

Be creative in the ways you connect.

Sending pictures, whether sexy selfies or just a funny dog you saw on the street day, is another way to connect. Visuals are great when you don’t have time for a call, or are at a loss for words. Some people are going old school these days with hand-written letters. Of course, if you can afford, a gift that arrives on one’s doorstep is a lovely surprise. Hell, drop off an article of clothing you’ve been wearing a few days into their mailbox—they can snuggle with your scent.

Fulfilling the love languages that people seek the most to share is one of the best options to strengthen connections at their core. Technology really helps a lot, of course, and video chats are vital in times of wanting to connect to each other when we can’t. I have issues with the aching of my flesh and fingers for physical touch when taking video calls, but I know it’s only for now…

If you have a long-distance polycule with many partners, you can always arrange group online gatherings, or even ask if they will share their intimate experiences so that you can feel included. Individual and shared boundaries may be teased or tested, but it’s always okay to ask for what you need and desire, especially when real-life connections are down.

Keep hope alive… this too shall pass.

Love,
Addi Stewart

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