Sex parties are paradise for me, and I love going to them as often as possible.
I’ve been to sex parties in mansions with indoor swimming pools and pool tables, parties at local clubs with saunas and hot tubs, and parties with exotic furniture and elevated beds swinging from the ceiling. Yes, I’ve been having a great time lately, exploring the fabulousness that is sexuality!
The vast majority of people and situations that I’ve been blessed enough to encounter at these sex parties have been positive, but occasionally I do come across someone who is NOT on my wavelength, not about love or positivity, and not someone I want to interact with in any way.
Sex parties are full of all kinds of people, and you have to go there with an open mind and an open heart.
How to Deal with Conflict at a Sex Party
There are specific ways of dealing with unpleasantness at sex clubs to prevent your entire night going to shit, without you having to vacate the premises disappointed and frustrated. One rotten apple can spoil the bunch, but you don’t have to let it.
Unless the rotten apple is someone you cannot be in the same room with because you feel unsafe, then take these tips and protect yourself intelligently while you go ahead and do your own thing in a delicate and intentional way.
Assess Your Emotions about Staying or Going
You don’t have to go, but also, you don’t have to stay. Always keep that powerful option in your head, and remember that there will always be another sex party.
Take a breather and ask yourself: “Do I really want to stay at this party?” I did this recently when I saw _____ who had tried to escalate a scene with me at a previous gathering. Even though they had apologized, I was still not interested in being around them. I decided their presence wasn’t going to wreck my night. So I decided to stay… this time.
Communicate with the Problematic Person
When I saw _____ at the sex party, I maintained my distance and gave neutral salutations from a distance. I refused to hug or make physical contact of any sort. I also told my partner what I had previously experienced and recommended she also keep her distance.
It wasn’t twenty minutes later when this same individual approached my lover while she had her eyes closed, receiving a multi-person massage. When they pushed their privates against her hand, she admonished them immediately. She had to again reinforce her boundaries when this person discovered her in a bedroom playing with a bunch of sexy folks.
Speak up to those who you have to say important shit to at a sex party, and say it BEFORE the play starts happening. You do NOT want these things on your mind.
Decide Whether to Make Space or Not
I chose not to forgive this person, as they certainly had not shown a change in their unsavory behavior. We both decided to stay at the sex party, but to keep our distance.
Deciding on making space for someone includes whether or not you choose to even speak to a person. It’s about the safety and the comfortability for you and your parter(s).
Focus On Your Own Experience
When there is a conflict at the sex party, you can still enjoy yourself while co-existing with people you don’t particularly like. Even if I did not have to deal with _____ at the sex party and avoid them because of something shitty they did weeks before, there were still many new and familiar guests to engage with.
Read: 7 Types of Group Sex
I was determined to have a great time, and I did! I met people, ate pizza, went in the hot tub and sauna, enjoyed a massage by ten hands, made love, made someone squirt, had my nipples played with, had a threesome with my lover and someone she enjoyed immensely, and had a foursome with two gay guys and an older woman.
I had an excellent night even though there were a few people I didn’t vibe with. That’s how it is anywhere you go, but at a sex party, the differences are much more pronounced, and the difficulties to overcome are… naked and bare, standing right in front of you!
Read: Epic Sex Club Adventure
Express Your Feelings to the Party Host
At the end of the party, I said a few things to someone who needed to hear it. I approached the host while I was getting dressed and told them about everything _____ did to me previously, that I had to make adjustments before I could fully enjoy myself and entertain others at her party
She was amazing in her acceptance of my truth and respected my experience. Either this person won’t be at the next party, or they will be with clear boundaries due to their reputation and actions. I felt great about my choices, actions, and thoughts for the night.
Reflect, Heal, and Congratulate Yourself
I went home with my lover, and we both felt safe. We both spoke up as soon as we had the chance to, we both made space and boundaries apart from the person who caused us stress, and we both had a spectacular time regardless of someone trying to compromise our pleasure through their selfish intentions.
Besides making love and having a great night together, we also became closer through communicating our experience to each other immediately after we left the sex party.
I was so happy for us, and I love the polyamorous sex party paradises I’ve been finding myself playing at with my dream partner.
What has your experience—good and bad—been at sex parties?