Tips & Advice

How to Build Online Dating Confidence

Woman Daydreaming

Maybe you’re new to online dating and feel a little wary about putting yourself out there? Or maybe you’ve been at it for a while, and feel that the whole process has become demoralizing?

Let’s face it, finding love online isn’t easy, and being poly can add a whole new level of difficulty to the process. At some point along the way, we could all use a little confidence boost. Here’s how to give one to yourself.

Jump In

Procrastination can lead to heightened anxiety about online dating, as it gives your imagination plenty of time to create horrifying and embarrassing rejection scenarios, all of which are more painful than anything you’ll experience in real life. Don’t give your catastrophic thoughts a chance to take hold.

The moment you put the final touches on your profile, go live. Start flirting and sending messages. Don’t wait for that absolute moment of courage because it will never happen. Once you take the chance, you might be surprised by how open the online world is to polyamory and how easy it is to connect with like-minded people. With time, you’ll grow more sure of yourself.

Make a Strong Effort

Online dating is one of those things where you get out of it what you put in. If you want results, put the time and effort into making a quality profile. Choose a variety of pics that reveal something about your personality, fill out all the sections in detail and when it comes time to contact potential matches, write personalized messages that show you’ve done more than just look at their pictures.

Confidence will come with results, and results happen when you put something of yourself into the search. If you don’t take your efforts to succeed in online dating seriously, no one else will.

Learn to Handle Rejection

No matter how much effort you put into filling out your profile, or writing your introductory messages, it will happen. You’ll get shot down, ghosted, or simply ignored. That’s just part of the process and something that every online dater must endure. The trick is to not let it sink in. There are tons of people you can and will connect with on the site, so who cares if some of them want nothing to do with you?

Developing confidence might require that you work on your self-esteem. When you have a solid sense of self and you know how much you have to offer, rejection won’t feel nearly as soul-crushing.

Seek Support

One way to boost your self-esteem is to surround yourself with positive people who care about you and your happiness. The great thing about being poly is that you probably already have a bunch of these people in your life, be they a partner, a metamour, or some other member of your polycule. Make the most of these connections by sharing the struggles and triumphs you’re experiencing in your online dating journey.

Knowing you’re not in it alone should help you to feel bolder, and more willing to take emotional risks. Confidence is really just knowing that even if you fail, you can try again.

Tell us what you think!

Tell us what you think!

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