How to Find a Dominant Woman

Want to meet a dominant woman? If you’ve been hoping to meet a woman who likes to take charge and keep the upper hand, you may already know this is a trickier request to fill than others.

That’s because dominant women are in high demand, and because the nature of her role makes her necessarily choosy.

She can have her pick of submissive men, or women. Trust me, no femdom is desperate to find someone she can boss around and command in the bedroom.

Other dominant women prefer to do the choosing and finding, and aren’t interested in connecting to hopeful dates. Most have their dance cards full already and don’t need to meet new subs.

Other strong women aren’t interested in power exchange games in the bedroom.

Still, submissive men find dominant women every day. If you are up for the challenge of finding a dominant woman, you might be amply rewarded!

7 Ways to Meet Dominant Women for Dating and Sex

1. Educate yourself.

Learn about BDSM and dominant and submissive relationships in advance if you are new to the game.

Lots of naturally submissive men or guys who want to worship a dominant woman think it would be hot and sexy if a gorgeous mistress trains them. And it would, no doubt. But she doesn’t have time for that. Few dommes want a newbie to break in or initiate.

Read: How to Meet People Into BDSM

You don’t have to be an expert. But do the work of learning the ropes and what the scene is like. Don’t expect a dominant woman to put in the emotional labor and the time to fill you in on what BDSM is all about.

Yes, every relationship is different and no femdom or submissive wants the exact same thing. Still, there are basics. Learn them. Master them.

Take BDSM workshops. Watch educational videos and porn, but not just porn. Read femdom erotica, but also instructional material. You can hire a dominant woman to teach you and to practice.

Read: Tips for BDSM Beginners

2. Make yourself worthy.

The first step to finding a dominant woman isn’t about meeting her or connecting to a hot vixen in vinyl at a fetish party. It’s about doing the behind the scenes work.

Educating yourself on BDSM and submission is part of the work, but there is more. It’s not enough to simply want to worship a dominant woman. Every dude wants that! Women have no short supply of applicants.

A dominant woman isn’t interested in some groveling guy with low self-esteem who wants to kiss her feet. Boring! She wants to be in a power exchange relationship with a real, breathing, interesting, well-rounded person. Be that person.

Work on your style and fitness, yes, but it’s not all about being cute either! Shine at work, have a rich family life, develop your interests and make goals. Have experiences. Read books. Have a sense of humor. Be someone who people want to be around.

Read: Boost Your Dating Confidence

3. Look among your lovers now.

It’s unlikely you’re in a long-term relationship already with a secret femdom and don’t know it. Or that she simply hasn’t awakened to those desires.

What’s possible, however, is that someone who loves you and has dominant tendencies can enjoy some dom-sub play now and again.

Not everyone who enjoys domination and submission is looking for a lifestyle, or enjoys it all the time. Some adventurous partners want to try different kinks or express a side of themselves on occasion.

Can your vanilla partner be the femdom you are looking for? Lots of people do explore and discover their kinky side with a trusted lover.

If you know that one of your partners is more dominant than she has already explored, or she’s told you that she is turned on by BDSM, talk about experimenting. Try a workshop together and see if the relationship can develop in a direction that works for both of you.

Read: Talking about Kink with Your Partners

Some women are versatile, and if she’s turned on by what turns you on, it can be a profoundly erotic journey to take with someone.

For monogamous folks, this may be the only option. While this is not something that often works, it can work if neither partner has unrealistic expectations and both are open minded and want to work together.

4. Meet kinky people.

It makes sense that if you want to meet a dominant woman, or a person into a particular kink, meeting kinky people is key.

Fetish parties and kink events are obvious options. There are lots of events in the polyamory community for kink, and lots of kinky themed events in nightclubs. Get out more!

Go to kinky brunches. Let kinky friends know you’d like to be invited to events.

Think creatively. It’s not just fetish dances where you’ll find kink lovers. Check your local sex stores for workshops. Go to book launches for kink-themed books, or lectures on sexuality. Lots of people are open minded and kinky and meet for various reasons.

Read: 4 Places to Meet Kinky Women

5. Use dominant woman and submissive men niche dating sites.

Online dating is the best way to meet niche partners. Put some time into creating your profile, finding ways to make it stand out. Be honest, but highlight your best assets. And be present. Message and chat with those who reach out. Be friendly.

If she’s not your cup of tea or doesn’t present with matching kinks, be candid but friendly. Get to know other kinky people to widen your circle so that you can hear about events and workshops.

Read: How to Find Local Pegging Partners

Are you dating a dominant woman? Where and/or how did you meet?

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