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Find Yourself to Find Love

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Nothing Until You Know Something Has Grown
Progress Inside Your People 

Love is a lot like those books we used to get when we were children (do they make them anymore?) Anyway, you remember them. They were like: “choose your own adventure… AND CHOOSE NOW! OR NEVER!”

It’s not just fight or flight. People can also FREEZE. And honestly, when faced with the moment of decision making truth, more people probably freeze than actually fight the good fight.

You can’t make ANY good decisions if you don’t know who you are or what you want. This is a fundamental fact of existence, but without anyone ever really telling you that truth, then unknown amounts of time, space, and chaos can pass by your life before you move yourself out of the confusion into the crystallized cherished chance to cultivate and consistently craft the expansion of your conscious clarity.

There are a million realms of reality that this truth manifests, but love is the most mysterious yet meaningful of these. Yet, it applies everywhere. Food, for instance: if you don’t know that you’re allergic to peanuts, nougat, and almonds, what is going to happen to you when you go to your local convenience store and try to buy an Oh Henry! or a Snickers? Your choice will damage your body in drastic and painful ways that will require a purification and immune system cleansing to solve properly! If you don’t know your type of diet, your taste buds’ limitations, your palette preferences, your essential daily nutrition requirements, and your digestive system’s tendencies, then how are you ever going to enjoy the benefits of balanced health? You won’t, really. You’ll just be experiencing some second-rate substitution for health and happiness.

This perfectly parallels to the state of love and sex. If you don’t know that you are in the mood to have your right ass cheek spanked by a spiked leather paddle with a wooden handle by a hirstute Jewish brunette with double-D breasts hoisted up in a 1931 French corset, then you just have to make your personal ad and ask the universe to give you want you want! Especially if you’re a married man working 9 to 5 in some slow-death-crawl cubicle at Rogers Cable, where you only engage in intimacy once every week with your wife, on ‘Fun Night’. There are COUNTLESS wives and husbands in the marital blahs (the opposite of “bliss”) who are not able to ask for what they want, because they just don’t know themselves, don’t know what they want, don’t know what they need, and don’t know how they feel about their own mind, body, and soul.

Knowing yourself, knowing what yourself is becoming, and knowing why your desires might change at some unspecified point-in-time in your relationship is crucial to keeping your relationships moving forward… and not alone.

But knowledge of self is a truly nebulous, mysterious, untraditional idea to promote in the West. In places like Africa, India, Nepal, Islamic religions in the Middle East, and other similarly educated realms, the concept of holding onto one’s deepest grasp of the self-awareness of their personality and identity is a fundamental idea that permeates virtually every choice and decision taken in life… and sex and love. They have practice doing it, so when they meet crossroads of destiny and fate and adventure, they are directed by their heart and soul’s desires, not the desires of their society or their social circle or their parents… but their own mind, body, heart and soul.

So yes, find out, explore, research, discover, seek, wonder, figure out, and honestly ask yourself: “Who am I and what do I want?” Or maybe even “Who am I and who do I need?”

Maybe you don’t need what you needed last year. Maybe you need MORE of it!

Polyamorists are known for communicating a lot, and knowing how to talk to yourself is the ground floor of communicating truth to all the people in your world. The question remains:

When is the last time you asked your heart what it requires?

FYI: NOW is a great time to ask.

Always in Love,
Addi Stewart

Read: How to Love without Fear

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