Judgement Dating Scene
What is one thing a single person is often unconsciously or consciously in the process of?
Evaluating. Sizing up. Judging.
It’s a part of human nature when we’re in connection mode. Any day, any time, any one and any where can be where “it” begins. And this can be excruciatingly hard for a single monogamous person to deal with, especially if they practice monogamy in the “check marks down the list” fashion, or have some “perfect cinderella – prince charming fairytale” firmly locked in their skull as the pre-requisite path to human coupling.
I’ve been that person. We all have.
Every coffee shop we go to, every ride on public transportation, every bookstore we browse around, every random excursion into some unexpected place, we semi-ignore the curious thought creeping in the back of your mind: “is THAT the next special person in my life?”
With monogamy, the odds are ALWAYS MUCH LOWER. Because the person is looking for one partner to open their mind, body and eventually, soul, to. Even using the “just dating” (or ‘hook-up culture, bleh) construct of connection, the window of opportunity offered to individuals is so much slimmer, due to the psychological structure of monogamy.
Mono-gamy.
Its root, “mono” obviously refers to a singular entity. The dictionary says: a combining form meaning “one, single, lone”.
But, “mono” also can develop into “mono-poly”. Which is not fun, unless you’re playing a classic board game. Those who take a chance and roll the dice with polyamory often do not have to deal with other “mono” situations, like “monotony”… or even a “monolithic” situation, if we want to apply such ugly terms to such beautiful possibilities. Sadly, they do exist. If those who are a part of such situations are happy, then I have nothing to say. But if they’re not happy and healthy, then I reserve the right to respectfully express my reasonable observations about why and how it might be a good idea to explore other possibilities!
Osho suggested “monk” also comes from the root term “mono”, and it makes sense. Nirvana knows I mean no negative intention when I state the differences between paths, as ALL choices have emotional benefits and costs, no matter which one we choose. Monogamy and polyamory are not the path of the monk! But monogamous people and monks might have more in common than polyamorous people!
I suppose we all must weigh and evaluate all our choices and decisions, so I don’t want to make it seem like monogamous people are extremely judgemental relationship critics while polyamorists are pure sentient omniscient ciphers of eternal accepting bliss. No! I simply want to shine light on the amount of judgements, rejections, denials, and disapprovals that a monogamous person on the prowl might imperil themselves with.
Polyamory continues to open my mind to new possibilities and potentials with countless people, and the lessons learned from lovers has simply enhanced my own erotic intelligence. The elimination of jealousy, envy, competition and wilful ignorance has skyrocketed my sexual cerebral functions, and all I do now is see how others’ dramas and dilemmas and difficulties can teach me to destroy my own demons.
Romantically: I fear nothing! And thanks to another amazing polyamorous woman I met: I do my best to expect nothing, and doubt nothing!
May we all reach a point of personal fearlessness. The freedom tastes fantastic.
In love,
Addi Stewart
Tell us what you think