Can You Compare Apples to Mangoes?
I can’t really say that vanilla ice cream is better than strawberry or chocolate ice cream. Not objectively and factually, goodness no I could not even try to defend that statement. We all have different tastes and appetites and wants and dreams and fantasies and desires, and the spice of life shall eternally remain the variety of experiences we can devour in our days alive.
That being said: if someone’s got some hot fudge and caramel syrup and peanut sprinkles and almond slices with rainbow sparkles as condiment choices: I DO prefer the taste of vanilla ice cream over strawberry and chocolate!!! It works for me best, and I accept this sweet, sweet truth as perfectly appealing to everything I want and need in a post-coital dessert treat.
Knowing one’s self is the first and most important key to knowing what one needs in one’s love life and one’s personal and intimate relationships. I know that right now, polyamory is PERFECT for me, my future dreams and my erotic energy. I honestly can NOT conceive changing this beautiful lifestyle in for the more traditional model of connection, the one-on-one bond that our grandparents and many parents grew up with, for better and/or for worse. How many of our elders actually were faithful and honest without cheating in their “stable, secure and old school, heterosexual, suburban, nuclear family marriages” remains a statistical secret that they probably want silent forever, but I shall adamantly reply with: “you’re only as sick as your secrets!!!”
And on that note, I shall share this admittedly-nebulous list of reasons why Polyamory as we are learning to define it for the 21st century, is more healthy than monogamy as we had learned to define it in the 20th century. This is a very subjective and personal list, and I’m sure there are monogamists who have been able to practice some if not all of these aspects of polyamory in their monogamous relationships. But not every married or matched couple is as free. So, on to the suggestions!
10 Ideas Polyamory Could Teach Monogamy
1. Communicate fearlessly
If there’s ONE thing that permeates monogamy, it’s truth masquerading as jokes. Comments like “Hey, fellas! I finally got a night away from the ol’ ball and chain, let’s get fucking hammered!” is the type of insidious unhappiness that need not exist in a relationship with freedom. If you’re with a partner who constricts your time or your energy, you should have space to express it, not be resigned to some prison-like lot where you accept your fate as a neutered human. Tell the woman in your life how you actually feel about her. Always!
2. Fantasies aren’t fatal
How many monogamous relationships are allowed to have those super truthful conversations where they share their darkest, most naughty fantasies? Not enough, apparently, if cheating remains so rampant, and the divorce rate hovers around 50 percent! People have to be able to confess their “freaky” feelings to their partners… or they will be confessing them to the person they are having an affair with! We are inundated with sexy media. It’s no big fucking deal that your girlfriend dreams of having a foursome with Ryan Gosling, Don Cheadle and Ryan Reynolds! It probably will never happen, and if it did, as long as the sex is safe… your relationship will survive: if you love her!
3. NRE is a renewable resource
Alternate “New Relationship Energy” from another potential lover is not the death of the Honeymoon Phase for a first love. It takes real courage and a commitment to creativity to make sure that Year Two feels much bigger and better than Month One with someone! But it can be done. Routine is the death of relationships, and monogamous married couples know this a million times more than I could ever express.