Would You Encourage a Lover to Leave?

I have a very special partner who struggles with understanding that all poly relationships are unique in their own way and that there are no reasons for anyone to be jealous of each other. She still compares herself too much to my other lovers, but we are still together. Let me digress for a moment.

A special situation came about from a spiritual connection with another superwoman who really touched and listened to my spiritual side and did some physical healing on me. We were friends for a while and things were awesome just being platonic. I was attracted to her from the moment I laid eyes on her at an arts party, but I couldn’t tell her because she was married.

I didn’t push any kind of intimacy, but the attraction was very REAL. Sometimes it’s beyond description and denial, and the nature of two people is just one of attraction. We had that. We saw the world in the same way on so many levels! I was still hopeful that things might happen, but I didn’t push anything at all. Lo and behold, a few months later… she called me.

She said, “Hey I’m just getting out of my marriage, and I haven’t had intimate passion in a long time. I feel like you would be the perfect person to give it to me. Would you?” I immediately said YES and was so happy to share a physical bond with her, since we had spent significant time building other bonds, and they were very strong.

When we got together, there was little doubt that the sex would be powerful and amazing, and that there would to be more than just orgasmic fusion. There was immediately deep kissing and real passion. And we ended up having sex a few times randomly here and there, but no matter what the situation was, the feeling was fire magic joy bliss.

So we had this marvelous bond, and she was super cool with all my other lovers. She encouraged me to be with more partners, as she didn’t want others to be anything less than as happy. This was her new path of choice, and I was so honored to be able to help in any way I could. She even said, “You deserve a medal for all the women you have sex with, Addi!” And I’ll never forget that supreme compliment—what an angel. THAT is understanding polyamory!

Things change though. She just told me that she met someone across the country who she adores, and she thinks she wants to go and move in with him later this year when its safe. I was shocked! I was surprised! I was enlightened! I am also SO HAPPY for her and want the best for her, no matter who it’s with, or where it is in the world. If that’s where she needs to be to feel the most satisfaction, I support her wholeheartedly.

I don’t want to encourage a breakup, but I want her to be happy above all else. My other cherished lover who compares herself? She also struggles with this idea because I said to her, “I just want you to be happy above all else, and if that means leaving me, I would accept it.”

Dos and Don’ts for Surviving a Poly Breakup

She responded, “So you don’t love me and want to break up?” “NO!” I told her, “I just want you to be happy, ultimately!” Bah! I still love her, LOL. No matter who it is, I want them to be happy, even if they don’t get it with or from me. That’s the love and life I live and give.

So, I’m going to enjoy every moment that I still get to have with this divine friend, healer, lover and angel. And if and when she moves away, I’ll say, “I love you and hope for your highest happiness!” Because I sincerely do. That’s the polyamory I know best.

Why Polyamory Works for Long-Distance Relationships

If you love something, let it free. If it comes back, it was meant to be!

Addi Stewart

Can you relate to my story? Please share your experience in the comments!

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