Many monogamous people I know found polyamory when they realized it was a solution to several unusual love and sex challenges.
There’s one quandary in particular—long-distance relationships—that seems to have no solution. Falling in love or in lust with someone who lives far away often results in two broken hearts.
Two people do everything they can to make the impossible possible, then, ultimately, admit defeat. Sometimes the passion costs a small fortune in travel fares, and sometimes it costs someone relationships, whether love or friendship, or a job. People move to another country or city, find out the barriers are insurmountable or that they can’t get citizenship, or they resent leaving everything behind.
Long-distance relationships are hard to maintain, and even harder to attempt to reconcile by coming together when the two lives are built in different parts of the world.
But none of these problems were on my mind when I met Annalise five years ago in a café in France. I fell head over heels and didn’t need to think about anything except how to make her come again.
We enjoyed a whirlwind affair, of wine and sex and art galleries.
Both of us are polyamorous, so we could let nature take its course. As it turned out, we continue to be lovers today. True, I don’t see her often, but I know that when I do, we can be together, even though each of us has full lives and relationships in our own worlds.
In poly life, you never have to break up if you don’t want to. Some might declare that such relationships are just out-of-town fuck buddies, or worse, say that they aren’t real because they don’t take much time, energy or commitment. My response is: how are those bad things?
The beauty of polyamory for me is that I can let relationships be what they are naturally and not try to force them into being something else! If I meet a magical woman like Annalise, I can be with her without hurting anyone else, and we can be together when we’re able.
Annalise has a primary partner who inherited a business in South America. When she met her husband years before on a vacation, neither of them felt a marriage was impossible even though they didn’t even consider moving one partner to the other. He didn’t have to give up his business, and she didn’t have to give up the French art world where she had studied and connected. They meet up in different world cities throughout the year and spend a few months together as well, and they get each other off over Skype, swapping sexy stories.
If you meet someone who you can’t realistically be with all the time, polyamory gives you the possibility of being together some of the time instead of nothing.
Another friend was in love with a woman from Africa whom he met in Ohio during an environmentalism conference. They fell in love, and instead of saying, this isn’t possible, they decided to have an open relationship. Both could pursue sexual encounters and relationships with others.
The more I experience the various nuances of polyamory, the more I see that it’s a wonderful solution to many problems and challenges. Too many of our narrow views of sexuality and love inhibit us from experiencing those very things.