Different Bonds with Different Lovers in Polyamory

I like to think of my lovers like a garden, as I’ve said before. Ahhhh, isn’t a nature scene more delightful when there’s a plentiful bouquet and assortment of colors, hues, sizes, shapes and types of flora to inhale and enjoy? This is how I feel, and love—absolutement.

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I don’t try to love in a hierarchy, and I maintain that this is what works for me, myself and I and I, as dem Rastafarians say. And like many Rastas, I live and breathe the poly lifestyle, praise jah! And I also love the presence of the ganja flower in my garden, ha ha, but I digress. All I’m saying is: I cherish the magical and universal depth of my lovers.


I was recently gifted with a very deep and profound realization from an absolutely wonderful, angel lover, sacred sweetheart in my life. They blew my mind—after satisfying my body and soul in one of our amazing interactive days together—when they asked “Who is the closest lover to you?”

It stopped me in my sexy tracks. (Not that I was leaving her to go be with anyone else, heavens no! My post-coital honor would never act so caddishly!)

I walked the idea of “the closest lover” around my mind a bit, and it took my understanding to places I had never known. God, this person I speak of TRULY is a lover beyond all others in my life… even though I have only spent eight months with them in total, three of which were not intimately connected! We are that deeply bonded by fate.


My reply to them? They were the one who had become closest to my heart and soul and my ideal poly relationship, without question. I’ve been with many amazing lovers who mean the world to me. I’ve been with lovers who have almost had children with me. I’ve lived with lovers. I’ve been to funerals and weddings with lovers. I’ve taken lovers to meet my mother, who lives across Canada. I’ve waited over fifteen years to be with lovers. I’ve been to abortion clinics with lovers. I’ve been to sex clubs with lovers. I’ve done many many things with many many angels.

But, I have to say: for some reason, THIS particular angel I speak of, is the closest to my heart and soul and dreams that ANY HUMAN has ever been in my entire life. They are not only one of my best friends and lovers, but they are one of my best family comrades in politics, education, and spirituality. They are closer to me than some of my blood family members right now. And this is not even to place them on a hierarchy, oddly.

I still have over ten lovers right now who are all special, sacred, and sweet in their own individual way that I would never change. I don’t even compare any of them, because comparison is the thief of joy, and the measure of pain. I simply enjoy every rose in the garden, and don’t muck about trying to decide which one I like best. I love them all. I need them all. I appreciate them all!

It doesn’t mean that the one who is closest to me right now is more beautiful than any other. It just means they are Mercury in my solar system of love. Every other planet means something, and even the woman who is Pluto in my solar system is vitally, crucially, and deeply important to me!

It’s just how the stars are aligned, don’t ask me why I feel chemistry with this one person like no other in the world!

Even if we could explain why one person may become closer than any other… it doesn’t change the desire to have them get EVEN CLOSER.

In love,
Addi Stewart

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