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Defending My Polyamory Lifestyle Online

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Sometimes, you just gotta defend your polyamory honor. Occasionally, it’s with someone who slanders your name or reputation as a lover and a person in the sex community.

I once had a sex club accuse me of abuse when I had never ever been ejected or written up for any violations whatsoever, and they had to rescind and alter the charges… it happens to the best of us!

At other times, the slander comes from the realm of infinite negative energy: THE INTERNET! Ha ha, you know it— that dastardly realm where people, who are aware and educated with experiences in only one lifestyle or philosophy, feel the audacity and jaw-dropping gall to spout and pontificate on all kinds of affairs that are none of their business, to degrees that are ludicrous and disrespectful.

Polyamory on the Internet: A Mine Field of Misunderstanding

I’ve seen my share of silly and ignorant things written about open relationships and polyamory in my days as a writer, but I came across something recently that really inspired vitriol in both others and myself. But my anger mostly stems from the reminder that we still live in a world where people really can’t just live and let live, and allow others to have lifestyles and choices that are different from theirs to continue and commence.

I shouldn’t be surprised, but sometimes the foolery still hits me in the blind spot, y’know? I saw someone write this, and I nearly choked on my own contempt for judgmental criticism that shouldn’t be confessed openly:

“no offense but i’d rather run my left tit through a shredder than be in an open relationship.”

There were hundreds of responses to this statement on Twitter. A high number of those responses were supportive, and unfortunately spoke of versions of open relationships that were based on Hollywood clichés, assumptions, projections, and distortions of ideal mature consensual relationships.

I have seen all kinds of misunderstandings, lukewarm hot takes, total fabrications, and myths around what polyamory is, what it can be, and what we are doing with each other in our poly situations.

Are we overcompensating for a lack of emotional intelligence? No.

Are we just insecure and indecisive in our relationship scenarios, so we’re playing the field? No.

Some people even discussed the don’t-ask-don’t-tell policy and said they thought it was the preferred marital choice. One woman replied, “I’ve been married for 25 years and if my husband cheated, I told him to never let me find out. I would feel like I’m more ugly than I thought I was!”

The amount of problematic misperceived issues to unpack in that statement are numerous, but it was far from the worst comment.

Defending the Honor of Polyamory Lifestyles

There were many people who defended polyamory and definitely did their damnedest to teach, inform, educate and enlighten people as to what polyamory really means in practice, and how it’s flexible and malleable to various partners’ needs and desires.

The good part that I had to chime in on is when someone said: “I can’t believe its 2020 and we still are judging and shaming other adults for the consensual relationships they privately choose to enter.” I had to scream out YES! (digitally).

I will admit that I sunk down to the critical level in response to some of the silly statements made to honor and defend the virtue of our fair lady Polyamory! I saw the moment and needed to strike. In response to the “tit through a shredder” tweet, I quote tweeted: “no offense, but I’d rather run my left testicle through a shredder than be in a monogamous relationship.” And I mean it, ha ha!

If YOU want to be in a monogamous relationship for any reason in the world, and that one person you want to be with wants the exact same thing then I want that happiness for the both of you.

I don’t think that me wanting to be in polyamorous relationships makes me any better or any worse than you. I know that I am not lying to myself or any of my partners. And if you can say that about your situation too, then… you got two tickets to paradise! And all the tickets to paradise that I got, I hold them in all my lovers’ honor!

Happily ever after… and before,
Addi Stewart

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