***WARNING*** I do NOT want anyone to think that I believe monogamy should be abolished. NO! I start this here pro-polyamory article aiming a clear-and-present danger to any persons thinking that I am slandering the entire monument of monogamy amongst humanity. Not at all!
But, like any realm of human phenomena, there is a rational and reasonable space for critique and dialogue. I have zero problemos with presenting the well-seasoned carcass of monogamy on the sacrificial pig roasting pit, and carving that puppy up to serve justice with butcher-like cuts of clarity and consciousness! (FYI: I’m totally vegetarian as well, and this whole last part was a metaphor!
Please know that I love the animals and the innocent things in this world. Some of which are monogamous people who simply do not desire to be with more than one person at a time, ever!
God Bless monogamists’ odd-natured souls, they are a true statistical rarity on this planet, as far as the mating habits of virtually every species of mammal in the history of flora and fauna on Mother Gaia goes… but we don’t judge. What we do, is MAKE OBSERVATIONS. Which I shall illustrate below, for your entertainment pleasure.
So, what does Malcolm Lovejoy—Porn Star/Nude Model/Musician/Sex Worker—have to constructively critique about monogamy? Ha.
Welp, for starters…
A Certain Spontaneity Seems to Disappear
I don’t want to paint all monogamous relationships with the same brush, but I know that more than 50% of long-term, co-habitational relationships end up killing the sexual connection and pleasure of even the most ardent high school sweethearts out there who spent summers untold, fucking like bunnies on MDMA.
Living with someone can really remove the mystery factor, the intrigue, the chase and the playful foreplay of potential intimacy. How many married couples are fucking in their fifth year or fifteenth year the way they were fucking in their fifth week? If it’s the same or better, then YAY for you; that is a commendable achievement that should be followed and taught.
The other option isn’t something I will say is bad or wrong, but it’s not for me. The loss of sexual spontaneity from expectation and duty places a damper on plans in my experience, and that’s not to say planning out sex is not good; but always knowing your options or option, in monogamy, has a cost.
Trust Issues Are Real with Beautiful Strangers
I’ve had monogamous-minded people kill all connection possibility with me because I was not following monogamous protocol, or did not offer the traditional situation for them to engage with. It was unfortunate they weren’t open.
So, I was walking thru the crowd of this club, and made eye contact with this woman. It was fire sparkling. There was just… something there. I walked right up to her and said hi like I knew her. But I didn’t, I just FELT the raging mutual attraction. It just kept getting better with every exchange, but it was super loud. I was about to leave, and it was awkward.
I asked her if she would like to stay in touch, but she said, “I know I’ll see you again” because I escalated things faster than a traditional club connection would move. But our bond was strong, so I attempted to strengthen it asap… but she thought otherwise. Monogameh. 😛
Monogamy Limits Friendships with Certain Genders
This is not always the case, but once again, enough to say WTF. Because I have many women friends who are not nearly as friendly as we used to be, after they get a monogamous boyfriend… and sometimes even monogamous girlfriend or monogamous trans person!
Honestly, the underlying factor in ALL of these friendships put on hold were the monogamous rulings of the other partner. And I really don’t want to have sex with all the women in my life, actually though! So, just having a friend who may be beautiful and smart is also pretty cool.
I don’t need to be propositioning a woman for intimacy to be interested in her! But many men don’t feel like their girlfriends should have male friends, and some have reason to be suspicious of others. To cut off a gender from friendship is pretty preposterous. Who is tempted more, and is that the most logical solution to the problem is worth analyzing.
Friendship with people of all genders is a vital necessity to possessing a healthy human life. It’s great to talk to women you aren’t trying to have sex with!
Monogamy has been observably failing us for centuries… but polyamory can fail too. It’s not about the system, it’s about the person and people using it.
What else have people accidentally fucked up with their monogamy?