Tips & Advice

How to Find an Open Relationship

polyamory relationship

More and more people are looking for open relationships. Many are publicly acknowledging they are polyamorous, non-monogamous, or have special arrangements with their partners—answering speculations or gossip about their marriage or lovers with affirmative, unashamed, sex-positive open relationships.

Even so, it can feel daunting to find an open relationship when dating traditions still favor serial monogamy.

Rest assured, lots of women are looking for lovers and serious relationships where they can keep other lovers and meet new ones, and you can too.

Here’s how you can enter the market with the mindset for polyamory.

How to Find an Open Relationship

Change assumptions, vibes, and society by making the big reveal.

If you’ve experimented with polyamory, and see yourself this way for the long haul, you might want to be open about your open mind.

I understand that lots of folks don’t want to label themselves, box themselves in, or make their sexuality political or somebody else’s business. People don’t need to declare that their wife has numerous lovers or that they might want to settle down with several women at once.

But if you do decide that polyamory is just a detail about you, like having brown hair or working in graphic design, it can be helpful when deflecting criticism and meeting like-minded women. Your friends and family and co-workers won’t have anything “to find out” and will naturally think of you when they meet people who share your dating objectives.

Be honest with yourself and your dates about the specifics.

“Open relationships” or “polyamory” are umbrella terms. What kind of relationship are you looking for? If you aren’t really sure, spend some time reflecting on what your desires, expectations, and needs are, and what you are willing to give to another person.

 Not sure what you’re looking for? Learn more about these 4 Types of Polyamory Connections.

There are dozens of kinds of open relationships. Are you open to all of them? What does your “open” look like?

Do you want to live with several women? Do you want to share a wife? Do you want girlfriends who are bisexual and sleep together? Do you want to start a garden co-op with another couple and become a polycule? Do you want a primary partner where both of you enjoy other lovers but keep the details to yourself? Are you looking for a dominant woman to give the orders on who you can fuck and when?

Want to share your wife? Check out How to Find a Bull for Your Hotwife.

Once you understand what arrangements you want or are willing to try, you will be better prepared to find it.

Mingle with like-minded communities.

Look for kink workshops, polyamory meet and greets, singles’ brunches, dances, hiking groups—you name it—for poly or kinky people in your community.

Small communities will have some options, but they could be harder to find, so dig around online and ask any poly friends you have about what’s happening. You can visit larger cities nearby to attend events, and ask new friends about local connections they might know about.

Don’t assume most potential dates are not interested in polyamory.

It’s a mistake to think women you meet in everyday life are monogamous. When you meet someone who shows interest, you can mention that you are polyamorous. “Yes, I’d love to watch the latest Star Wars with you. Just so you know, I’ve been dating two women for several years. Does that still work for you?”

Be yourself online.

You can be yourself on niche dating sites geared towards open relationships. Your profile establishes what you’re looking for, and what you’re offering; and the women seeking sex and love on those websites will have similar objectives.

Have you found the right open relationship? Tell us how you met!

Tell us what you think!

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