Polyamory is a big sexual free-for-all, is it not? What rules could possibly be broken in this anarchist society of a relationship dynamic?
Is this your take on things? If so you really need to read on to learn about the 10 Poly Commandments. If you want to maintain happy relationships…
10 Polyamory Commandments
Thou Shalt Not…
1. Cheat on Your Partner(s)
It’s a common misconception that cheating can’t occur in poly relationships. The truth is, it can and does and it’s just as much of a betrayal when it happens.
When you and your poly partners sit down to negotiate the parameters of your relationship, the guidelines you agree upon are just as sacrosanct as fidelity is in a monogamous partnership. Polyamory is all about transparency, so doing things on the sly is a big no-no.
2. Make Plans without Consulting all Affected
If you’re going to discuss future plans, please be sure to wait until all the people who will partake in said plans are present. It can feel very hurtful to not be included in conversations, and can lead to feelings of inequality. This can be a hard one to avoid, especially if you live with one of your partners and only see the other(s) on scheduled date nights.
Pillow talk can go in all directions, but try your best to be aware of the fact that everyone deserves to give their input about future decisions.
3. Cancel Dates without Rescheduling
This is another offensive poly behaviour that can be difficult to avoid at times. Life gets busy and it’s not always easy to see what’s coming down the line; but even so, it’s really important to keep track of cancelled dates and to make an effort to reschedule them ASAP.
One of the cornerstones of a poly relationship, particularly an egalitarian one, is respect for the agreed upon routine. Cancellations can hurt like a rejection, so try to be sensitive to that.
4. Disregard Boundaries of Disclosure
Sharing the details of your poly adventures with a partner who has expressed a desire for discretion, is just a gross thing to do. It’s hurtful, disrespectful and has the ability to corrode trust. If you’re sharing all that stuff about one partner, whose to say that anything shared with you will be held in confidence?
Some partners do like to share things, even finding it a turn on, but you need to have that discussion first wherein you decide just how much you’re willing to tell (and hear) about one another’s sex lives. Then you must respect the boundaries.
5. Use Other’s Sex Toys without Consent
Speaking of boundaries, this is a really offensive (and potentially dangerous) one to cross. Even if your wife’s vibrator is right there next to the bed, don’t ever reach for it to use on another partner. In the heat of the moment it can be easy to forget yourself and just reach for any tool available, but using someone else’s toys without asking is a really thoughtless move.
A lady’s vibe is an extremely personal thing and could be teaming with bacteria… or worse. I for one have never put a condom on my vibe, so I doubt your wife does, either.