For me, polyamory is a level of relationship connection that transcends time and space itself. I’ve had lovers who I haven’t seen in months come back into my arms, and we’ve made passionate sex that proved that seeing each other every day and texting every day and feeling like you need to know where they are at all times is totally irrelevant to the possibility of actually experiencing beautiful romance and magical joy!
The fundamental basics are all that truly matter: do you have chemistry still? Do you care about the other person still? Do you want to give the best of your heart and soul to them still? Do you still feel the magic?
If you don’t, it’s okay. That’s when you take a moment to process your new feelings and understand what happened to your old feelings, and then make a decision to re-energize your desire in the relationship, or say “peace to you, sweetheart.” Polyamory is amazing for that, because there is no rhyme or reason why or when emotions change, and the freedom to experience the myriad amounts of relationships and connections that are possible in poly is just divine paradise!
But, if you are still infatuated and interested in the other lover… then you are kissing infinity. There isn’t even a “til death do us part” vow to hover over the relationship to add a kind of well-meaning pressure to the process of growing together, when both of you may think you need to stick it out until your very last breath on earth to validate and honor your intentions in the relationship. That’s a LOT of time and energy devoted to one person, and when life is so complex and multi-faceted like it is now, then having the opportunity to experience bliss with a variety of people for an indefinite amount of time truly feels like a possibility more promising than choosing one person to try and satisfy all your needs for the rest of your life! Well, it does to me and for my value system.
Time and space are much more unbearable when a person thinks they don’t have any options in their future. It’s wonderful to have the security of someone always waking up beside you or being a part of your life, but you can have that pleasure with polyamory and still not feel obligated to force someone into a contract that tries to control the uncontrollable future, or simply tries to possess them without allowing their emotions to grow and develop intimacy naturally.
There is no preconceived notions in the most healthy polyamorous connections, in my experience. I have every intention of seeing my lovers again, but I don’t EVER think about the future with them. I’m far too busy being lost in the beautiful miracle of the present moment, and when one devotes themselves to loving a person like there is no tomorrow and no other place in the world they would rather be, then one has a chance to actually share eternal tomorrows because if today is virtually perfect, why wouldn’t we want the same thing again?
As soon as we have the space and the time to get together again, why wouldn’t we? If the love is good, the sex is good, the conversation is good, the laughter is good, the healing is good, the maturity is good, the communication is good and the conflict resolution is all good… then WHY would you NOT spend some more wonderful dream time and joy space with them? Only one reason: fear. And that’s not good, that’s not love and that’s not any place to spend your time and space…
I can’t articulate in words how amazing it is that my lovers are like my BFFs who I have glorious sex with!!!
And it will be that way until the end of time…
from Addi Stewart