Vee Polyamory: About the V Relationship

You or someone you are close to may be in a poly vee relationship. There are many different kinds of polyamorous relationship structures, and the polyamorous v relationship is one that many people are talking about today.

What Is a Poly V Relationship?

The polyamorous vee relationship is named after the letter “V” because this design depicts the relationship structure visually. The polyamory v is a relationship between three people, where one person is dating two other people.

The “V” is a diagram, with the one person depicted as the hinge or intersection, and that person is dating the other two people, who are not connected.

Read: 13 Unconventional and Alternative Relationships Explained

Is the Polyamory Vee Relationship another Name for Throuple?

No. Poly v relationships are not throuples or triads, a classic relationship structure in polyamory where three people are connected. In a throuple, all three people are involved with each other.

In a polyamory vee relationship, one person is involved with two other people.

The metamours are not dating or in a relationship with each other. They may be friendly, as in “kitchen table polyamory.” They may be important to each other because they both care about the connecting party. But they are not involved in a threesome relationship or sexual relationship together. In this way, the poly V relationship is very different.

Read: Poly Throuples: Answers to Common Questions

Is a Poly V Relationship Just Someone Dating Two People at the Same Time?

Relationship structures in consensual non-monogamy are differentiated from other practices that may look similar by consent and intent.

Other relationships can resemble a vee, too. For example, a monogamous-minded person may be dating several people at one time, getting to know different people before making a choice to commit to one of them.

However, the pattern of three would not be considered a committed relationship or a lasting situation, with all three parties agreeing and content to stay that way.

Read: Commitment vs. Containment: An Important Distinction

Poly people often live with persistent stereotypes about polyamory being a kind of infidelity. This perspective comes from people philosophically opposed to polyamory and may never go away. However, many people who choose monogamous relationships are accepting of other adults’ choices.

Still, the poly v relationship sometimes comes up as an example of a person “two timing” people because they can’t or won’t make a choice between them. In this view, the person in the intersection of the vee is seen as calling the shots or “having their cake and eating it too.”

Even inside polyamorous communities, the poly vee relationship is sometimes viewed as inegalitarian or hierarchical, with the hinge or pivot person wielding more power. But this perspective does not take into account agency and choice of all parties, or their individual and unique desires and needs.

Read: Hierarchical Polyamory vs Non-Hierarchical Polyamory

What Do Polyamory V Relationships Look Like in Real Life?

A poly v relationship may look like a person having two equally important relationships simultaneously, with those metamours not in relationship with each other.

For example, a woman may have two other women as lovers and date both of them. Those lovers may or may not date other people.

A man may be married to a woman and live with her, but also maintain a relationship with his ex-wife, and mother of their children.

A woman may be bisexual and keep her girlfriend when she starts dating a man.

A couple may have a primary partnership, but the woman develops a relationship with another woman and stays in a poly v relationship.

A woman may be in love with two men at the same time and they all agree to continue dating this way rather than breaking one relationship off and fostering resentment and hurt.

An independent person may live alone but have long-term relationships with two people.

A dominant woman may have two submissive men that she is in relationships with and they are all happy this way.

A polyamory vee relationship looks different in every different situation.

Read: 24 Polyamory and Non-Monogamy Terms and Definitions

Benefits and Challenges of the V Relationship

One of the challenges of the poly vee relationship is that it may not really be a vee configuration at all.

Even if the metamours don’t date each other, they likely date other people. They may have their own vee. They may be part of another polycule. They may have casual relationships outside the vee. They may be married to someone else. This isn’t a problem except of definition. The poly vee relationship may only look like a vee from one perspective, and a maze from another.

Another challenge in the vee relationship is the possible dependency on the hinge person for time, affection, love, and sex. If two people are seriously dating one person, they have double the time on their hands than they do. Juggling the unique needs of both people you are dating when they depend on you for their relationship needs can be tricky.

Read: How to Make More Time with Your Partners

Jealousy can be a challenge in the polyamorous vee relationship configuration. It can mean two people competing for those resources from one person.

The poly v relationship may not work for everyone. Sometimes a vee doesn’t work because one or both metamours would prefer to be in a relationship all together, as a triad or throuple. Rather than being friendly and separate, they would prefer to be intimate all together.

On the other hand, the vee has a number of benefits. For the hinge person, the vee can be a solution to being in love with two people at the same time.

Rather than dissolving a marriage, for example, forming a vee can be a long-term solution. For someone who is bisexual, this also gives options outside of the traditional either-or paradigm.

Read: Opening Your Marriage: Staying Together and Transitioning to Polyamory

In other cases, some people need more time and love than one person can provide. If they are in two relationships, that can relieve the pressure from both sides of the “vee” while providing more for the hinge party.

The poly vee relationship can also work wonders in a mixed relationship. Relationships between poly and monogamous people can be tricky, but they can also work if everyone is willing. The vee relationship is a great model for a mixed situation.

Other kinds of mixed relationships are about libido differences or other situations such as someone being asexual but needing romantic relationships in their life. When one person is able to date two people, this can be a perfect arrangement that alleviates different expectations of sexual expression.

Tips for Keeping a V Relationship Healthy

As with all relationships, including polyamorous vee relationships, honesty and open communication are essential. Regularly discussing boundaries and limits, changing emotions, needs and desires, is very important.

Read: Honesty in Polyamorous Relationships: Why It’s So Important

The lover with both relationships has a responsibility to fairly distribute their time and attention in a way that meets his or her own needs and that of his or her partners.

Designing the poly vee relationship together is also a way to ensure it thrives. It’s easy to fall into the poly vee relationship structure organically because of a situation, such as someone dating two people and deciding to commit to relationships with both of them. This is natural and often how all kinds of relationships are formed.

However, taking the reins about how the relationship evolves or what direction each party prefers or needs can keep things positive and healthy.

Read: 3 Must-Haves for Healthy Polyamory Relationships

For example, assuming the two unconnected metamours want or don’t want to date outside of the poly v relationship is wrong. What the sexual needs and expectations are is another area that needs to be openly addressed and designed to meet changing needs together.

Are you part of a polyamory v relationship? Please share!

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