Expressing Yourself in Polyamory Relationships

Polyamory Expression: Where Silence ISN’T Golden

“The life unexamined is not a life worth living,” said one great thinker in history.

And I believe the Love unexpressed is not a Love worth suffering. A bittersweet truth that’s hard to swallow. But… bottoms up!

Even though so very much of love has to do with overcoming fear and a thousand other obstacle emotions that stop it from happening now, I do believe that people are best off if they say what they feel and think and hope for, and most importantly: fantasize about.

There is a line to not cross, and I have no idea what this boundary is. For each person, and each different person’s relationship with each person, they change.

Some people, you can’t say “I would love to tie you up and whip you with a flogger while this ball gag is in your mouth, love!” and they would be cool with it. Some people, that’s exactly what you CAN say to them, and they would not bat an eyelash nor flinch, but they would actually jump at the chance to do it!

And the point is: nothing would happen if you didn’t SAY something, somehow. Expression comes in a million forms, in the realm of sex and love.

You could just speak the words, of course. You could write them. You could make a piece of art that tells them. You could make a home video or a song. There are so many ways to express things to the people you love in life. And there are so many levels of what you could express and ask for from them and with them, it’s really endless to explore.

But the point I’m really trying to make is that: requesting and expressing your heart’s deepest and shallowest desires, and everything in between, is what will allow your relationship to grow and step forward higher into the creation of your concrete dreams and physical fantasies. You must communicate. Speak up. Talk out. Whisper sweet nothings. Say something. Be bold. Take a stand. Make a move. Because scared love don’t make love!

In polyamory, you have to ask questions that are more difficult than the average. Such as “Is this your lover? Would you be comfortable if I kissed you in front of her?” which one lovely lover had the courtesy to ask me last night when we were out at a club, and she found me sitting beside a beautiful woman. It was quite the question. It’s also possibly a challenge to ask “How are things with your others lovers? Are you happy with them?” Who knows? One person may not have as much clear-headed compersion and non-jealousy than another. Asking and expressing truths about relationships may be a struggle still. Work through it! The truth shall set you free, and the answer shall open your eyes in ways you’ve never seen.

It’s also quite an advanced thing to ask “What do you need to be satisfied sexually? Am I giving you what you desire from me?” But those questions can really open doors of connection, and clear the air if ever some egotistical arrogance or lazy melancholy has seeped into the daily proceedings. And if nobody has expressed any dissatisfaction with the status quo, then who would know how and where to grow, and how soon it must happen before the bond is broke?

Let people know.

It may take some time to understand what the emotions feel like, and how to say them clearly and correctly, concisely and coherently, but carve the clarity.

Choose your words honestly, and if you can, try not to think about it at all, or… think about it A LOT. But know what expressions are all head and what ones are all heart. Mixing media might cause migraines in this circumstance, and I’m not sure I support the concept of confusing yourself with that kinda shit. I try my damnedest to know if it’s my brain or my heart speaking for me.

And if you do the same, I think you’ll be well on your way out of trouble!

Ego is mostly selfish and self-oriented expression, and Heart is usually the stuff that is about others, connecting, sharing, compassion and kindness.

There are times to express the ego, and there are times to express the heart.

Have fun finding out which is which! And have even more fun expressing and asking for the infinite possibilities of polyamory in your sex and love life!

Like “voulez-vous couchez avec moi, ce soir?”

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